Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,

Aimee in Silicon Valley

My circle is having a FIELD DAY throwing rocks at this article: ‘I had to choose being a mother’: With no child care or summer camps, women are being edged out of the workforce

Summary: Aimee, who's last name had to be removed for privacy, co-ran a Silicon Valley company with 13 employees. Her husband was "taking time off from his tech career". When their 3yo son's childcare shut down, she hoped her husband would watch the kid. But no. It was just too much darn work to keep his own child alive. So after three days, she dissolved her company and laid off all her employees.

She "chose to be a mother"... I guess having a full time job means you're not a mother, it's like magical egg retraction.

The family is living off savings.

I wonder if the journalist removed her last name because she was being harassed by every divorce attorney west of the Mississippi.

It says she was working 70+ hours a week, which sucks, I've done it. And during those times in my career Marc has admitted to feeling a little worn out, it's hard on all of us. But he never once asked me to cut my hours back. He was with me, he was the support system, picking up the kids, dropping them off, going to school functions, entertaining them on the weekend, going to the zoo and science museums and getting together with other parent friends. I don't know if I should read that article and think "oh thank goodness I married a decent man" or get outright angry about the idea that my husband might be an exception... he SHOULD be the norm!

It reminds me of another book I read though, and that's "The Millionaire Woman Next Door". I wrote this entry about it years ago: women, wealth, and how to not marry the wrong guy.

The gist is that while wealthy men tended to stay married to the same frugal women, wealthy women had much higher divorce rates, and when the authors dug into the stories they learned that the ex-husbands all seemed to fit a similar profile. These guys had to call the shots, spend the money, be in charge, and live life on their own page. The world raised them to be the man of the house, and when their wives made more money they could not figure out how to fit in. They couldn't contribute. They had to go.

Thank goodness not all men are that way, but this seems like a good time to step back and recognize it in time to save the marriages of the next generation. Put a name to the problem before it kills us. We're so worried about saving the economy right now - how about we all be flexible, jump in and help however the world needs us? Even if it means watching YOUR OWN CHILD, guys. I can't believe I just had to say that.
Tags: marriage, parenting

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