vampire talk with the 5 year old
olive: I do not like vampires.
me: well that's okay, because they're not real.
olive: but they turn into bats. bats are real.
me: well yeah, bats are real, but not vampires.
olive: but there's vampire bats.
me: well, okay. vampire bats are real. but you don't have to worry about them because they don't live in Kansas.
olive: I saw them in our zoo!
me: okay YES they live at the zoo but... not, like, outside? NOTHING IS TRYING TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD.
olive: mosquitoes are sucking my blood.
me: (deep breath) you're very smart olive. this is a very good talk.
olive: I just don't like vampires.
me: me neither, babe.