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friday 5: close friends

friday 5 time!
1. How many close friends do you have?
One. Sometimes in my life I've had two. Other times zero. I am definitely not someone who needs/has lots of close friends. Oh and husband doesn't count.

2. Do you make friends easily or more slowly?
I think really easily, but I can't just casually run into someone at parties several times and call them my friend. Someone's gotta take a step and say "we should do a thing!" and then we do a thing. Dinner, lunch, drinks, something not accidental, and a lot of people don't seem to understand leaving the house or something so it doesn't work out. That's okay.

3. Who is your friend of longest standing? How often do you talk to him/her?
Well now we're in the wider definition, my "close friends" definition is "one who I could call up right now and make a date with". In the long standing friends world, heck I'm facebook friends with a girl I was BFFs with in elementary school, she became a scientist too so we love each other's statuses and even though we live in different cities, I'm certain that if we got together we'd have a blast!

4. Do you think that your closest friends today will be your closest friends ten years from now?

Marc and I recently discovered a nasty catch-22 we're in that has to do with friends. A few years ago we discovered that we can only really be friends with other people who do not have family in town. Actually this might have been my mom's theory, but we confirmed it. People with family in town have no need for friends, too busy for friends, their parties are auto-filled with cousins and their kids never need playdates because that's what grandma is for.

So our best friends have always been the isolated family-less adults like ourselves.

On the other hand, people with no family in town have nothing to anchor them here, and they move away. That sucks.

We are destined to just always be losing our friends. Crap.

5. What's the best basis for friendship: shared values, shared opinions, or shared activities?
I'm not sure I like any of these options. It's a personality thing. My best friends have always been the right amount of chattiness. They've always been really practical, down-to-earth, more likely to be blunt or overly honest. They're women who others might see as stand-offish but for some unknown reason we just hit it off.

Coincidence... they're usually capricorns.

I've had little activities here and there that I shared in common with friends, but I've never met a friend because of, say, sewing or whatever. The only thing they have to value is getting the hell out of the house every once in a while. They have to be at least a little interested in politics and making the world a better place, so I guess that's the shared opinion thing.

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( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 10th, 2016 09:55 pm (UTC)
Interesting theory about friends. IT does seem like two different worlds sometimes, or an us vs. them, the people with in-town family and those without, does't it...
Jun. 11th, 2016 01:00 am (UTC)
Yes. Four was a big issue when I lived in Maryland. If I ever asked anyone to do anything, they had something to do with their parents, brothers, children, step family, etc.

Now, I live in a place where not many people are actually from here so as soon as friendship is attempted someone moves away. I am hoping there will be less of that as children grow up to be school age. I am hoping parents want to pull them out to move less.
Jun. 11th, 2016 07:36 am (UTC)
That's sad about the catch-22 situation. I hope it won't always be like that.

I didn't even think of number four in terms of who I can hang out with, since my closest friends live quite far, so doing things together is not even an option. I only have a couple of local friends, which is a pity because I like to go out and do things, and would like more of that in my life. I move around a bit, too, so I tend to leave friends behind, unfortunately. I am really glad there are some people I can stay friends with online; it gives me something to hold on to, wherever I am. I do miss being together in person, though.
Jun. 13th, 2016 06:00 pm (UTC)
#4 - so true!! We meet people who would otherwise be wonderful friends - in that we would hang out, share happy/sad stories with, click - but if they have family in the region/city then they never really become friends. And others who are transplants here, well, they will at some point move away. Plus we noticed similarities with friends disappearing once they have a second, third kid...
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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