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flounce

you guys I'm so mad I'm leaving livejournal forever.

just kidding.

real topic for this entry: what do people expect when they join an online community? and why do they post dramatic "you all suck I'm leaving!" posts when they don't get it?



This year I've gotten sucked into a few facebook groups, and the people there are, like, new to the internet or something. Maybe it's because facebook has such a huge swath of the normal population? You have to admit that livejournal, even in its heyday, was a tiny minority of the world. We had some real life friends here but that's only because most of our friends were nerds. Your average grandmother at the supermarket never had a livejournal. But she does have facebook, now! So she gets added to, like, a decorating your house group, and ohmigod we're talking to people three states away! what's going to happen!

I'm reminded frequently in these groups that the internet is apparently new to some people even in 2016. So I'm really amused when these newbies get mad when groups have...

1) Any drama. There's always these group rules about "no name calling! must be nice!" and apparently the newbies see these rules and expect nothing but HUGS. it's worst in the mommy groups. Someone will post up a photo of their kid in a kitchen eating an organic apple sauce and the topic is "we found a healthy brand!", in the background there's some gummy snacks, someone comments that they've found a brand of gummy snacks that are made without high-fructose corn syrup and WHOH GET OUT THE BIG GUNS it's drama time! Pile on the mommy judger! I figure we're all here to improve, right? And if you make a post asking for advice, should you really be trying to control 100.000% of the comments?

these guys wouldn't make it on lj for ten minutes.

2) Anyone going overboard. Posts are most likely to be made by the most excited people, right? This concept is lost on what I call "the lurker flouncer" - their leaving post says they're not like all us other girls they just came here for a few tips but want to keep it simple and can't believe how we take this SO SERIOUSLY. Even if the group has 1000 people and only 30 really active posters... they assume they are one in the 1000 that's the cool "low maintenance" chick.

yes, we know, we know, you're not like other girls.

3) Any change. It was all so cool at first! I was so excited to get to know you all! I joined and posted an intro about myself! Everyone was "so happy to have found this group!" Then we got to know each other and realized we had slight differences and that is SHOCKING, let's start a splitoff group that's going to be COOL like this group USED to be. The idea of every group going through a honeymoon - norming phase is lost on these people. Their new cool group will be totally different.

I bet everyone will be so happy to find it.

When will the whole world, from the high schoolers to the nursing home patients, understand how internet groups work?

This is why I like livejournal. We are over that learning curve.

I think.

Somebody will angrily unfriend me for being too judgy now and prove me wrong.

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Comments

( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
ironphoenix
Apr. 11th, 2016 01:06 pm (UTC)
astrogeek01
Apr. 11th, 2016 03:05 pm (UTC)
OMG this is the best img ever

Edited at 2016-04-11 03:05 pm (UTC)
ironphoenix
Apr. 11th, 2016 08:32 pm (UTC)
It seemed relevant to your interests!
belleweather
Apr. 11th, 2016 02:56 pm (UTC)
Mom groups are the worst. The absolute worst.
lookfar
Apr. 11th, 2016 09:54 pm (UTC)
I think I missed the LJ ones but I can tell you that live mom groups were also terribly judgey. We tried to hide it, but we thought it.
sandokai
Apr. 11th, 2016 03:41 pm (UTC)
I know what you mean about the tiniest bit of drama making people bail. It's like really-- you expect your life to be that perfect and fake all the time?
<--- probably also too judgy ;)
dark_phoenix54
Apr. 11th, 2016 04:07 pm (UTC)
Live Journal? Imagine them on usenet back in the day! They'd be blown into component atoms in the first two seconds.
misformaggie
Apr. 11th, 2016 04:14 pm (UTC)

ugh hahaha

lantairvlea
Apr. 11th, 2016 05:49 pm (UTC)
People complaining about others being judgey are often the ones being the most judgmental it seems!

Ah, people and the internet!
bayonetta
Apr. 20th, 2016 07:36 pm (UTC)
+1

Definitely seems to be this, in my experience.
medesign
Apr. 11th, 2016 06:22 pm (UTC)
people are assholes, part of human nature.
wig
Apr. 11th, 2016 06:28 pm (UTC)
ahahaha... I may have flounced, and deleted my lj a few times to get some attention.... in like 2002 :-D
lookfar
Apr. 11th, 2016 09:51 pm (UTC)
I haven't seen too much wank since the heyday of the Harry Potter fandom but it might be because I don't belong to groups. There was some new friend person on LJ who angrily defriended me for because I commented that I'd read that doing X kind of weightlifting gave a person long smooth muscles and that Y kind of weightlifting gave them the bunchy "gym rat" kind of muscles. Apparently, those were the kind she wanted to get and she was really pissed that I implied that they were unsuitable. That one left me going "huh?"And really annoyed because she did that chickenshit thing of throwing an angry comment and defriending simultaneously, as if you might toss a grenade through her LJ door.

I try to be pretty temperate online because I am practically an old lady and I know that no one's mind was ever changed by a hostile comment and that the world does not need more strife. Also I pride myself on a modicum of self-control.
fansee
Apr. 12th, 2016 03:25 am (UTC)
This grandma (I'd be a great-grandma if my grandchildren just showed a bit more initiative!) joined her first on-line group in 1993 - a list-serve - before the interwebz existed. (We used Gopher to look stuff up.) My particular software was screwed up, and the Delete button backspaced, while the Backspace arrow deleted. That kind of worked to slow you down when you felt like really expressing your opinion.

When things got too dramatic...as they did, inevitably...my friends and I would go all snarky to each other off-list. I recommend that as a way of life. FanSee, charter member of The Bads

Edited at 2016-04-12 03:25 am (UTC)
randomdreams
Apr. 12th, 2016 03:58 am (UTC)
I feel like the people who are still on LJ are the ones who got over the curve. I remember that stuff going on here, too, and have seen it in a lot of other previous social groups. The poorly-prepared flounce off to some other place, and the people who are interested in discussion hang out and keep talking.
conuly
Apr. 12th, 2016 04:18 am (UTC)
I dunno. There was an awful lot of flouncy drama back in the heyday of LJ.
koremelanaigis
Apr. 12th, 2016 05:00 am (UTC)
Martin Luther's 95 theses were a pretty dramatic "you suck, I'm leaving" post.
spacefem
Apr. 12th, 2016 12:35 pm (UTC)
definitely an important point in the history of flouncing, I'll give you that!
icalledhisname
Apr. 12th, 2016 02:31 pm (UTC)
Facebook can be so toxic! I hate the drama there and the new people. Livejournal is like a breath of fresh air for me. I'm the new person, but I like to think I'm not as annoying as the people on facebook, haha. I think it helps that I had a livejournal for many years, in the past.
lilac_ribbon
Apr. 12th, 2016 05:30 pm (UTC)
Ugh, facebook groups can be terrible. I was invited to a crafty one once with my mother and was thrown out two months later because I didn't comment on every post or feel sorry for people posting personal shit to what is essentially a place to show off your crafting. Don't miss it.
goldmourn
Apr. 13th, 2016 04:28 am (UTC)
I agree with this post.

Facebook reminds of the years of AOL. In fact, many of the people that still have AOL are now on Facebook and for those who felt that AOL was the internet, Facebook is basically the same thing.

Which is also why we keep seeing these same repeated chain mails and posts that are so stupid being repeatedly shared and oh gosh, I hate Facebook, but that's where everyone lives now.
goldmourn
Apr. 13th, 2016 04:29 am (UTC)
Also, I totally remember the days of old LJ where people would post the COMMENT ON THIS POST OR I AM DELETING YOU! and "FRIENDS CUT TIME! IF YOU ARE STILL HERE YOU ARE SO LUCKY!" and so forth. I never commented on the posts. I figured if they wanted to cut me, go ahead.
spacefem
Apr. 13th, 2016 03:28 pm (UTC)
oh god YES!

I actually used to have on my profile a disclaimer that I read my friends list in groups, when I am able, in spurts, and I only comment if I've really got something to add. If you want to read my journal because you like my writing, let's add each other. If you expect me to comment religiously, don't bother. If you're going to post one of those "comment or be cut!" entries, let's save ourselves the trouble, don't friend me in the first place.

I love my commenters but recently I posted a poll asking who wanted to opt-in to a filter I was setting up and 60 people opted in! Most of my entries get, like, five comments - so there are lurkers. You know what? I'm okay with that!
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )

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