At some point in our early married lives we had this conflict. I'd be busy doing something, running around. He'd see me, say "hold on just slow down a second," hug me warmly, but I couldn't really be into it. He could sense it. And it hurt him, he felt unloved.
I realized that the place this happened the most was the kitchen. I'd have, like, a whisk in my hand that I was putting away from the dishwasher and was on my way to the other side of the kitchen and man can I put this down? Or worse, I'd be on my way to get coffee and you do NOT Want to come between me and coffee!
I told him that I definitely loved him, definitely wanted to hug him, but to get the best of me (and not piss me off) can he avoid interrupting me when I'm in determined mode? And since the worst place for this was the kitchen, I came up with the perfect solution: just a hard set rule that there shall be no kitchen hugs.
This makes perfect sense to me and several others have agreed too, right? We can't just be hugging all day, and sometimes when I have a sequence of tasks in my head, I do not want to drop them all. So we'll hug on the couch. If I'm doing something simple like sitting on the bed folding laundry, he can hug me. If he's cooking (he does all the cooking) it is not in my interest to hug him because that could delay the meal and make me hungry so again, still an awesome rule, right?
He narrow-eyed at me.
Years passed, we stayed married, we had children, and now I have snuggly needy little people and they're on HIS side here, I explained the rule to my five year old and now she just wants to come up to me all the time and yell "KITCHEN HUG!" and he thinks it's hysterical.
Well damn... I will not give up!
I got an idea. I'd post up a reminder. And it'd be an invitation for anyone else in the house to weigh in on the situation. I commissioned an Etsy artist to make us this delightful piece:
it's a hit! or so I thought...
reactions have been very devils-advocate-y! Marc's friends are telling him hell yeah let the woman work through whatever is on her mind first, then get a hug, you can deal!
my friends are telling me to always make time for affection, slow down and smell the roses, don't be so on-task that you ignore the big important things in life.
I don't think they understand how little I'd get done if I cuddled with my man whenever he wanted, friends. I'm not talking about having a less than pinterest-perfect house, okay? I mean, I'd have to quit my whole job, and we'd never go to the store we'd just order pizza, and 3-4 years into it he'd be like okay we've hugged enough.
everybody's gotta have limits! mine is where the kitchen starts. makes sense? awesome rule! be on my side, friends!
I'm done blogging for today now, so I'm off to sit on the couch with my husband. It's a great place and if he's busy I will calmly wait for him and we will have our hugs. See, I make it happen. Just not WHENEVER. It's not like hugging ANARCHY at our house. But we'll still be okay.