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lj friends etiquette

I actually had someone message me on livejournal to say "I noticed you friended me. I don't think we know each other. Could you unfriend me?"

damn. so, yup, I promptly did.

I USUALLY post a comment when I friend someone... a "hey, I was looking for people interested in lemurs and here you are" or "I found you through x community" but it's not 100%, I'll admit it.

guess I need to be 100% about it.

people don't do that on any other social network. how did it get to be a thing here? I have never cared an ounce who friends me. it doesn't affect anything. it doesn't force them onto MY friends list. I usually friend back, sure, because most people who friend me end up being cool or at least worth checking out.

oh well. everyone else I've friended this year has seemed happy about it. or at least tolerant!

how's the internet supposed to work, again?


( 38 comments — Leave a comment )
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Mar. 20th, 2015 03:41 pm (UTC)
Wow. I've never had that happen. Definitely says more about them, I think, don't you? I try to comment, but I'm not 100% about it either. I rarely post publicly these days, so I haven't had many friends requests lately unless participating in a friending frenzy or something.
Mar. 20th, 2015 03:43 pm (UTC)
How weird! Since I have total control over who sees what in my journal (the GREAT benefit of LJ), even to the point of blocking whomever I wish, I think that's even weirder.

I friend people willy nilly and rarely ever even explain myself. I use my friends list as kind of a bookmark list of journals I like to track.

I do totally get that many people view and use LJ as a social media site as opposed to (like me) a diary that happens to be open to the public, but still.

Mar. 21st, 2015 01:02 am (UTC)
I think I view it as both. I mean a long time ago, before time began, I did have a paper journal. but it wasn't as nearly as fun to write in because there weren't all these people to get advice from. comments are a motivator.

so I see this as my journal, with extra incentive.
Mar. 20th, 2015 03:50 pm (UTC)
Heh, it reminds me of the old days. LJ is rather Stone Age for the Internet, and these LJ-type journal sites were much more personal, I think, than Twitter and Facebook and Internet 2.0 or 3.0 in general. Though, I would have thought LJers might have lost that ultra-personal feel by now, and that they would come to appreciate any sign of life here.
Mar. 20th, 2015 04:08 pm (UTC)
Yeah for sure it's a remnant of LJ's earliest days. Some people here were very particular what showed up on their profile. Emphasized because that's really how they saw the page--it was theirs and they didn't want anything on there they didn't put there.
Mar. 20th, 2015 03:52 pm (UTC)
That's really strange. If those people don't want people who are not their friends to be following them, are they posting f-locked only?

I've never had that happen! (I have declined to friend back people on FB that I don't know, but that's because FB-friending is symmetric; LJ isn't like that, so who cares you friends you? All it does is give YOU more access to them, not vice versa.)
Mar. 20th, 2015 04:04 pm (UTC)
Wow. I've seen that on Facebook, but that's a first for on here that I've ever heard about.
Maybe they don't realize that you adding them lets them see your journal, sure. But unless they return the add you can only exclusively see their public posts? *shrugs*

learn something new on LJ every day I guess :)
Mar. 20th, 2015 04:06 pm (UTC)
That's what friends locks are for!
Mar. 20th, 2015 04:19 pm (UTC)
I was trying to find something someone wrote about how Facebook turned social networking from finding people with common interests and turning it into keeping touch with the people you already know.

Mar. 20th, 2015 04:40 pm (UTC)
I think if you are very particular of who adds you and who doesn't you should post it up on the profile? How strange...

There are cases of LJ users who have added me and never commented about it and I have not added back, because well, I never realized that I was added. Your recent LJ meme thing actually made me realize there were several people who added and I never knew! I added back most of them but some I haven't added back because they never post on their journal (or they are F-Locked and give no indication of who they are) nor do they comment on my posts. But I have not asked them to unfriend me! That's just strange concept to me!
Mar. 20th, 2015 04:53 pm (UTC)
I had someone I didn't know friend me (before I joined your friending comm) and I have no idea how she found me or why she friended me. My journal was friends only at the time and we had no friends or communities in common (well, I follow two of the same comms she does, but I've never posted anything in either of them).

But I checked her out and she seemed cool, so I friended her back. I've had spambots friend me though and I don't really like that they're on my friend list. It isn't so much that I'm worried about what they can see, it's that I don't like having names on my friend list that aren't really people. I also don't like having dead journals on my list. But that's just me. :)
Mar. 20th, 2015 04:56 pm (UTC)
Some people do friend me randomly and usually I can tell that they were friends of friends, or at least figure out how they found me. Now and then I will get a very odd friending and I usually ignore them. I do remember one that was strange and I sent him a message asking if we knew each other, and he said no, he was just trying to get as many friends as possible.
Mar. 20th, 2015 04:57 pm (UTC)
I usually try to notify people and ask if it's okay, but I don't always think to do that. I usually friend if I've read something of theirs I liked and don't want to miss out on more. Some people are touchy, and delete friends periodically, but I don't see how it matters one way or another. Your journal is public unless you've f-locked it, and isn't the point to have people read it? Friending people means I can have their new posts sent to my email, which means I don't have to keep checking blogs or go to my 'friends' page or inbox or whatever, because I seldom remember to do that. Wow, that got out of hand, didn't it?
Mar. 20th, 2015 05:13 pm (UTC)
I actually had someone cyber screaming at me because she noticed I Friended them. The thing was, though, that I had friended her with her blessings and then something happened to my LJ and my Friends list got borked. So, I fixed things and Friended her again. And she totally flipped out and started screaming at me that I was an obnoxious shit because I had Friended her without her permission.

I mean, OK? Whatever? There was nothing wrong between us prior to that, did she just like forget she was on my FList? Seriously?
Mar. 20th, 2015 05:53 pm (UTC)
Dreamwidth did away with some of this weird LJ culture by breaking the concept of "friends" down into "reading circle" and "subscription" or something like that. It lets you tailor who you choose to read and whether you choose to share your friends locked stuff with them.

LJ's use of friend seems much more personal.

I liked having a culture where you could ask people to unfriend you because there are people who I find creepy who follow me on Twitter and Google+, and I do not want to have the conversation of "Hey, kindly fuck off" with them so I tolerate them retweeting or favoriting things that I post publicly. But I am still uncomfortable with this person interacting with my content in a way that I notice even though the content itself is fairly benign.

There was someone whose journal I liked to read and comment on here and on Dreamwidth, but several times she took my comments as being threats on her life and just read things in the weirdest way possible so I unsubscribed from her journal, but she is still welcome to read mine. I am just unable to deal with the crazy form of interaction that happens in her comments, and I am unable to read someone and resist the temptation of commenting.
Mar. 20th, 2015 05:57 pm (UTC)
That seems a bit extreme. I'll admit that I'm curious what led you to friend me, but I'm not creeped out by it or anything. Besides, you seem interesting!
Mar. 21st, 2015 01:05 am (UTC)
yeah, at this point I have no idea!

we have some common friends, and common communities, so maybe I saw you on my friends-of-friends page and added you?
(no subject) - ironphoenix - Mar. 21st, 2015 02:14 am (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 20th, 2015 06:40 pm (UTC)
meh. like you said, if they're posting stuff public you could just as easily read via bookmarks. I know someone who did that, actually, because he didn't want to have his social network viewable.

I wish FB were more like LJ on that -- I can't see anything on a person's page until the friending is bidirectional, by which point maybe I donwanna.
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