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on marriage and feminist guys

dichroic, who I've been friends with for a long time and highly recommend, wrote about how feminism gets us to treat men like adults instead of those sitcom-joke buffoons who are just the oldest kid in the house. here, here. so I just also wanted to say that I am happy to be married to a feminist guy who shuns those jokes. he's silly, sure, but at the end of the day we're both grown-ups who can handle discussions about what needs to change. anywhere! in our house, in the world.

and that's a big deal to me because how can I vent my frustrations about the world if a guy can't even get past "man of the house" mentality at home?

just a week or so ago I was complaining to marc about the steady stream of internet trolls at the noble feminist forum known as spacefem.com, and about how they constantly want to turn every discussion into the #notallmen. this discussion happens all. the. time.

random troll: We don't need feminism, why do we need feminism?
us: Well lots of reasons. Have you seen rape and sexual assault statistics lately? It's affecting way too many women, it's extreme and disproportionate.
trolls: there you go again acting like rape is this huge deal like all men are rapists and you feminists have to be mean to us and make these accusations and my feelings are important and I haven't raped anybody I am not a bad guy I try to be nice and you mean feminists are so divisive and making everything men vs. women and why can't we all get along! what about the mens!

I describe this to Marc and ask, "What's wrong with people that they have to take this huge global issue and make it all about themselves?"

And without thinking he just say, "Sounds like those guys feel like they deserve a medal for not raping anyone today."

word. it all comes together.



( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 13th, 2015 11:12 pm (UTC)
The not all men thing drives me crazy. I think your husband hit the nail on the head. Another thing that really bothers me is when you complain about getting cat called and people say things like 'you should be grateful' or 'take it as a compliment' or worse 'one day you'll be old and then you'll miss it.'
Mar. 14th, 2015 05:27 am (UTC)
I have had friends who had sarcastic icons of cookies with "here's your cookie for not raping anyone/not catcalling anyone/basic human decency". So many people really think they deserve cookies and medals and so on for not wantonly abusign those around them.

Also, hooray for MArc, precisely because he doesn't do it for hoorays but because he is a grownup. *cheeers*
Mar. 14th, 2015 07:49 am (UTC)
This point #notallmen really is no point to start arguing about this.
Mar. 14th, 2015 01:18 pm (UTC)
Marc sounds like a very put together guy - hold on to him!

As for your troll, all I need is a 2 x 4 and a few minutes alone with him...As Betty White says, you can't kill stupid, but you can numb it for a while.
Mar. 14th, 2015 10:00 pm (UTC)
my bf is a feminist, and we can talk about all kinds of complicated topics, but he is not a grown up. I really don't think he could take care of himself. And that's why I'm not married yet!
Mar. 16th, 2015 12:02 pm (UTC)
I'm not married (why bother? also stupid marriage law is stupid, grump); I moved in with an adult though. I can't imagine shacking up with someone who needed effectively *parenting* because of their own laziness (someone who was very ill would be a different matter); I expect healthy adults to be able to manage basic household chores.
Mar. 17th, 2015 06:14 am (UTC)
I need to find a life partner who has these views!
Mar. 22nd, 2015 01:17 am (UTC)
My hubs is the same, and thank God for that. He respects women and we have a lot of interesting conversations on everything.. From current issues with women's rights and human rights in general from around the globe, to smaller yet still-serious topics. Nothing is more important to me in life than sharing all these moments with him, and that's what love is about; finding someone who is compassionate and can laugh and sigh with you about all the idiots of the world :) hah!!
Mar. 26th, 2015 09:52 pm (UTC)
Love his response, all guys should have that viewpoint!
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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