Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,
Spacefem
spacefem

when I don't sleep

honestly, I never totally shook off the pregnancy insomnia I developed in 2009. I've heard that most normal humans have a natural cycle more than 24 hours... if left alone they'd like to stay up later each day, sleep in later, we have like a 26 or 28 hour cycle?

mine is probably 18.

I get exhausted at night and go to bed with the kids at 9... or before the kids, even, which is bad but marc is tolerant, I'll usually at least read to josie and sometimes get her in bed while he snuggles Olive. maybe it's because my job is exhausting, especially on days when I have to run around and talk to people the whole time.

I used to have whole days as an engineer where I'd just get to sit at my desk, headphones on, laying out schematics and block diagrams and compliance reports. that never happens now. there are always meetings, sometimes back to back, I don't design things anymore, I miss it sometimes.

So I get home from work around 5:30, we eat and there's a relaxing evening. it's my job to wash the kids. this has gotten tough lately... last year my life got so much better when Olive learned to sit up, I could wash both girls in the bath together! but now Josie is getting too big, I can't wash her hair in the bath, I'm trying to get her to take showers by herself but she doesn't want to miss out on baths because they're fun, so it's a balance.

So the bath is really for Olive, and we do this almost every other night and it's quite the spa event for her. I wash all her little fat rolls. She's learned to look up when I rinse her hair so her face doesn't get wet, and smiles because having her hair rinsed makes her feel pretty. I gently wash off the layers of baby slime from her round cheeks with a washcloth. she plays with toys, then gets out and I dry her off. she wants to brush her teeth then, and asks me to blow dry her hair a little. sits on stepstool so I can see if her nails need clipped. sits on her little potty chair to try and go potty, then wants to sit on the big real toilet, and sometimes things happen but 90% of the time nope, it's just me holding her on there and her smiling and pretending she's big but she really isn't, she's really really small. I wrap her in a towel and bring her fat naked body down to marc who's in charge of diaper and jammies and we're all listening to music, reading, checking the internet casually, building block towers.

then I crash.

My alarm goes off at 5:45 but I don't usually sleep that late. I'll wake up at 3 or 4 or 5... depends on the day, about every other day I'll wake up super early.

I'll take a nice long shower, then sit in the bathroom in my quiet house and read a book. then I'll go down and make coffee and catch up on pinterest and netflix. have a bowl of cereal. I start getting dressed around 6:30 and leave for work at 7 and it's only 10 minutes down the road, so I get there nice and early and make some tea and check email before the people stuff starts.

I've learned that if I don't get in early to catch up on email, I can miss email or get behind, because I spend too much of they day in meetings. and if I'm behind on email people start inviting me to MORE meetings to get my opinion on stuff we could have emailed on, that's a vicious cycle.

I'm still new to this position so I feel like I'm swimming but things are getting a little brighter. I'm happy, if not confused a lot. I eat lunch at my desk. I leave at 5.

I'm very good at falling asleep.
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