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when I don't sleep

honestly, I never totally shook off the pregnancy insomnia I developed in 2009. I've heard that most normal humans have a natural cycle more than 24 hours... if left alone they'd like to stay up later each day, sleep in later, we have like a 26 or 28 hour cycle?

mine is probably 18.

I get exhausted at night and go to bed with the kids at 9... or before the kids, even, which is bad but marc is tolerant, I'll usually at least read to josie and sometimes get her in bed while he snuggles Olive. maybe it's because my job is exhausting, especially on days when I have to run around and talk to people the whole time.

I used to have whole days as an engineer where I'd just get to sit at my desk, headphones on, laying out schematics and block diagrams and compliance reports. that never happens now. there are always meetings, sometimes back to back, I don't design things anymore, I miss it sometimes.

So I get home from work around 5:30, we eat and there's a relaxing evening. it's my job to wash the kids. this has gotten tough lately... last year my life got so much better when Olive learned to sit up, I could wash both girls in the bath together! but now Josie is getting too big, I can't wash her hair in the bath, I'm trying to get her to take showers by herself but she doesn't want to miss out on baths because they're fun, so it's a balance.

So the bath is really for Olive, and we do this almost every other night and it's quite the spa event for her. I wash all her little fat rolls. She's learned to look up when I rinse her hair so her face doesn't get wet, and smiles because having her hair rinsed makes her feel pretty. I gently wash off the layers of baby slime from her round cheeks with a washcloth. she plays with toys, then gets out and I dry her off. she wants to brush her teeth then, and asks me to blow dry her hair a little. sits on stepstool so I can see if her nails need clipped. sits on her little potty chair to try and go potty, then wants to sit on the big real toilet, and sometimes things happen but 90% of the time nope, it's just me holding her on there and her smiling and pretending she's big but she really isn't, she's really really small. I wrap her in a towel and bring her fat naked body down to marc who's in charge of diaper and jammies and we're all listening to music, reading, checking the internet casually, building block towers.

then I crash.

My alarm goes off at 5:45 but I don't usually sleep that late. I'll wake up at 3 or 4 or 5... depends on the day, about every other day I'll wake up super early.

I'll take a nice long shower, then sit in the bathroom in my quiet house and read a book. then I'll go down and make coffee and catch up on pinterest and netflix. have a bowl of cereal. I start getting dressed around 6:30 and leave for work at 7 and it's only 10 minutes down the road, so I get there nice and early and make some tea and check email before the people stuff starts.

I've learned that if I don't get in early to catch up on email, I can miss email or get behind, because I spend too much of they day in meetings. and if I'm behind on email people start inviting me to MORE meetings to get my opinion on stuff we could have emailed on, that's a vicious cycle.

I'm still new to this position so I feel like I'm swimming but things are getting a little brighter. I'm happy, if not confused a lot. I eat lunch at my desk. I leave at 5.

I'm very good at falling asleep.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 19th, 2015 01:55 pm (UTC)
I don't think you should think it's bad you go to sleep so early each night. I'm going about 8 or 8:30pm these days. You do what you have to do for your healthy and sanity...
Feb. 19th, 2015 02:50 pm (UTC)

Listen to your body. If its tired at 10pm....go to bed. I know thats hard to do when you have kids. My daughter's bedtime was 8pm when she was little. In middle school it was moved to 9pm with the understanding that if she has attitude or her grades slip, bedtime will go back to 8pm. Kids not only need routine they crave it. It lets them know they are secure. Having a regular bed time routine/ritual every night gets their brains to wind down.
All that being said I did not have a child that was hyper or had autism or any other kinds of issues. I know what I posted wont work for a child that is hyperactive. My nephew has autism (he's in his late 20s now) so he was super sensitive to EVERYTHING. As long as youre doing your best then you definitely shouldn't feel bad about anything.

Feb. 19th, 2015 04:55 pm (UTC)
My internal alarm goes off at three, so I know what you are talking about. By seven, I am running a vapors.

I'm the office manager for a community theatre and I know what you mean about meetings. There are days when I just want to hide under my desk and have people talk to my bobby dicky bird.

Baby bubble baths are the best, but since my 'baby' just turned 42 (how is that even possible?!?), all I have are memories. Sigh...
Feb. 19th, 2015 05:15 pm (UTC)
It's no consolation to know that you are probably just starting a long period of sleepless nights (my oldest is 20 and I finally told him to stop checking in when he gets home at 4 am. Now that he is away at school, I have finally adjusted to sleeping through the night instead of worrying, so when he's home on holidays I'm not prepared to go back to being sleepless). Hopefully the kids will continue to sleep through, and you'll get the job sorted out so that you can sleep longer.

Those baths with Olive sound glorious! As much as I love my grown-up kids, I miss having the cuddly fat babies.
Feb. 19th, 2015 06:50 pm (UTC)
Omg I love the names Olive and Josie.
Feb. 19th, 2015 07:00 pm (UTC)
ha ha thanks! I loved josie for the nickname potential, and honestly i wasn't sure what to name the second one so my husband kinda picked olive and it seems to fit her. it's silly, kinda unconventional. and she does LOVE olives!
Feb. 21st, 2015 08:21 am (UTC)
WOW! Caring for a kid is a job on it's own but for you to be a mom and work is like a super hero! I'm serious. I have big admire and respect for those kid of women. I love to have kids in the future when I'll get married but always wonder if I have do my stuff like now when I'll become a mother.
Feb. 23rd, 2015 12:43 pm (UTC)
Waking up is so great! Unfortunetely, I cannot get up before 7:30 am, especially in the cold months.

I think it's possible to have a natural cycle of less than 24 hours. Afterall, every organism is different.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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