Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,

Coming to terms with not being a dot-com celebrity billionaire

My dad would joke that turning 30 means facing the reality that you're not going to go pro. He was talking about men in sports at the time, but doesn't everybody dream of being great somehow, and then realize that like most everyone else, they're just average? Or at least... a lot of people. Several of my friends have said they harbor no desires to be internet famous, where as I'd take it in a second, it's always been a deep down goal.

We watched The Social Network last night. I'd put off watching it because I was afraid it would make me insanely jealous. Of all the domain names I registered over the years, none of them came close to landing me in Silicon Valley talking to venture capitalists.

The movie didn't make me feel so bad about myself, actually it's pretty good, I'd recommend it. It made me realize that I might just be really fundamentally different from the successful young entrepreneur types, it wasn't a mistake I personally made.

1) I am not a genius. I did not take calculus in the 9th grade. I got a full ride to college but it was a cheap state college. I got like a 30 on my ACT and don't remember what my SAT was but it was not perfect. I've been blogging for ten years and zero of my entries have gone "viral".

2) I would not just go up to a friend and say "I have a great idea, can I borrow twenty grand?" What does that say about me... that I lack confidence, fear risk, or don't have rich friends?

3) I'm not delusional enough to believe that I thought up ideas all on my own, if I "borrowed" someone's idea I would know it, feel bad about it, hold back and want to include them... I think.

It was kind of good of me to give away when it hit 30,000 members, right? Because yahoo answers was going to come along a few years later and stifle any real growth of little independent sites that did Q&A sorts of things? Also, I liked my job in aviation... still do, very good things are happening to me here, that's really a lot of why I gave the site away, it was taking my focus away from electrical engineering. I didn't want to come home and write code every night, I wanted to rest up for my job that started at 8am the next day.

My life is good, I'm been lucky, I've been safe, I should be happy with that. Sometimes we all need a reminder that someone will always be ahead of us, and we're not here to be The Best, just pretty darn good. And when that's not enough for me, well, I put in Amadeus and remember the plus side of being mediocre: you can relate to more people.
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