Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,

no I don't need to play nice with every other mom in america

This article has gone viral in my mommy circles: Stop the Mommy Wars: Empowering Photo Series. A bunch of moms got together to hold up signs about their decisions to show that they could still all be friends and it was totally cool because they're supportive and non-judgemental.

I agree that raising kids can be stressful, and brings up a lot of questions, and you do need some fellow mom and dad friends to lean on for support. And I tend to select my friends based on coolness, just like I have my ENTIRE LIFE, so if I was ever at a party and heard a snide "they let her wear that?" comment directed at my daughter that person probably wouldn't make my dinner party list.

But I'm still standing by my opinion that a little mommy judgement is healthy.

Why can't women have the right to have it out sometimes? Why does everything have to get down to "well it's my CHOICE if you're a good feminist you support all my CHOICES!"

Some of this stuff is not harmless. Is homebirth safe? Is a measles outbreak worth the risk of skipping vaccines? Is circumcision still a good idea? You make the wrong call on these things, there can be some real consequences.

Other stuff is kinda harmless but hardly noble. We used disposable diapers. I'm not proud. I don't need every cloth-diapering mom to tell me my choice is okay with them... it's probably not! I'd rather my friends be honest with me. And let's face it, maybe I've done some things I deserve to feel guilty about.

Obama and Romney could hash it out in debates and no one said they were being "unsupportive". And they're not friends. But it's okay because they're men. But if women disagree, it's a catfight, it's a "mommy war". Pretty low-grade definition of war there.

I don't need 100,000 friends, I need like three. So while I can be polite during a cocktail party running into other moms who disagree with me, I see no reason to hide my feelings towards everyone, all the time.

And I definitely don't need to be nice on the internet. It's the internet! I love you readers but I've met like three of you, and only the ones I really liked. The internet is where I LEARNED why I shouldn't let a baby cry it out, I got jumped on and didn't understand some bigger issues, I read up and changed my mind and moved on. It was healthy.

I think women deserve to have their opinions, and then they deserve to have their opinions questioned. Especially the most privileged women in the world! You don't see moms in Syrian refugee camps debating whether homebirth is safe... to them, "support" means clean water and an ounce of medical care. We have enough happiness in our lives we don't ALSO need validation of every choice we make, it's a luxury that we even have the choices. Let's help each other make the right ones.
Tags: parenting
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