Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,

My advice for first time parents

Another spinoff entry!

I wrote that the wonder weeks seemed like a stupid book, because it acted like it was full of all these ANSWERS about a baby's behavior when come on, nobody has all the answers. I said that parenting is easier if you just roll with it.

I liked smittenbyu's response though... she brought up the fact that first time parents love the book because they feel like they NEED answers! Reading back on the book with experience made her eye-roll, but when you're hit by the truck that is your first baby it's incredible.

She's right! But why can't first time parents just relax and roll with it? What's the difference really, what advice would I give to a first time parent to make their lives easier? when there are so many people giving first time parents advice about how to "slow down and appreciate every moment" from so many directions, why can't they relax?

over advice syndrome, I'm saying. It's what plagues all parents their first time.

It's like this: people are annoying. They tell you "oh just relax, you neurotic first time parent!" in one breath, then turn around ten minutes later and say, "you mean she's not sleeping through the night?! aren't you going to DO SOMETHING about that? God you don't know anything do you!"

So with Josie of course we tried to Do Something! Bedtime routine, darkness at the same time, leaving her alone, letting her cry, not letting her cry, etc etc etc, I read at least four sleep training books and that damn adorable kid still didn't sleep at night until she was 18 months old.

I think that's the best thing about being a second time parent. When people give you assvice ("do something!" "don't do something!") you can smile and say, "Don't worry. I've been through this before." and they just shut up.

except they say, "Isn't it so much easier the second time?"

And you say "well yeah. because YOU aren't bitching at me!" Well, no, they deny that they ever made it hard FOR you.

So really that's my advice for any first time parent: lie and say you already had a kid. You'll be instantly free of everyone's expectations, and you can finally relax, enjoy your baby, and truly just roll with it.
Tags: parenting
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