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Forgiving trivial social faux pas

So this'll sound like a shallow entry but I gotta get it out.

Remember when I got married SIX YEARS AGO? Well I'm still mad at some people who RSVPed then no-showed to our reception.

We had something like 130 people RSVP. Our venue said they'd plate 10% over the dinners we committed to pay for, so we gave them 118 as the magic number, which would give us exactly the right amount of meals in case all 130 showed up. But this way 12 people could skip out and we wouldn't feel like we'd bought too much food.

Then what happened? Uh... like 20-25 people didn't show up. So we wasted several hundred dollars on food, and it sucked, and as a diligent organizer it bugged me during the reception. Oh, and screwed up my seating plan because there were half-filled tables.

Some I forgave easily, namely the flakey ones who were so busy or scatterbrained I didn't trust their RSVP much in the first place. One family of four (ouch) said their kids got sick... which sucks, although the fact that they never gave us a gift or card kinda made me doubt whether they really planned on coming.

No, the family I'm struggling with goes to our church, RSVPed for four, told me they were excited to come, and then... nothing. No gift, no card, no words of acknowledgement.

I don't remember if there were people there who didn't bring gifts, probably were, who knows. But skipping out entirely got my attention. I know that whenever I've had to no-show to a wedding I RSVPed to I always felt bad and sent a nice card with a check, even if it was a cake and punch reception in their church basement. I just knew I was doing a shitty thing and tried to ease the blow.

Anyway every time I see this family in church STILL my mind goes straight to, "DID YOU FORGET SOMETHING?" and I hate that about myself. Maybe it's because we weren't terribly close so I didn't really have much else to remember them by, they're really the only ones I still do this to. They know us, say hi, ask how the girls are, I just get nagged by my stupid obsessive brain that can't deal.

I don't know what we wasted on their four meals, I'm thinking $70-$100? No more than $120. And shit, it was my parents' money, not mine! Whatever the amount, it's not worth the mental energy I've spent clinging to the angst. I gotta shake it and would love some advice... and not "you're crazy, it's been years!" sort of advice, I've been saying that to myself. No, I would really just like brain surgery to replace this memory I have of this family with a different, happier one.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 26th, 2013 04:59 pm (UTC)
I think it's harder to forgive wedding related things because of how emotionally charged the day is. I don't think I will ever forgive the bastard who ruined my reception, and I hate that about myself. I hate that I call myself a Christian but am unable to forgive him (and a couple other unrelated betrayals). If you find that brain surgery, do let me know.
Nov. 26th, 2013 07:36 pm (UTC)
I had more people at my wedding than RSVP'd. Like, 50 instead of 35? Of course, I know my flaky-ass people, so I knew that would happen. But planning a wedding for "30 to 75" (what we invited) was stressful. It took me most of this first ten years to forgive the aunt who brought her (uninvited, teenaged, creepy) grandson. But in time, I've moved on. :)
Nov. 27th, 2013 01:26 am (UTC)
I just got married two months ago and I'm hoping in six years I will forget some of the shit the crazies pulled. Like me sending an invitation to "Person and Guest" and getting an RSVP back for "Person, Guest, and three children," ordering all the food for them, and then...only Person and one child showed up!!
Nov. 27th, 2013 01:27 am (UTC)
Oh, and one whole side of my spouse's family just didn't bring a gift. Or a card. Or anything, except their creepy selves. We had tons of people mention things were tight, we have so many student friends, etc., that we didn't really expect anything (we didn't even register!) but 25 adults just came, ate cake, and left without being pleasant or even a "happy marriage" card.
Nov. 27th, 2013 02:50 am (UTC)
It's been nine years for me, and I only recently have gotten over some of the shit people pulled....
Nov. 27th, 2013 04:00 am (UTC)
I'm predicting a bit of this in my future wedding planning. Joy.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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