Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,

Forgiving trivial social faux pas

So this'll sound like a shallow entry but I gotta get it out.

Remember when I got married SIX YEARS AGO? Well I'm still mad at some people who RSVPed then no-showed to our reception.

We had something like 130 people RSVP. Our venue said they'd plate 10% over the dinners we committed to pay for, so we gave them 118 as the magic number, which would give us exactly the right amount of meals in case all 130 showed up. But this way 12 people could skip out and we wouldn't feel like we'd bought too much food.

Then what happened? Uh... like 20-25 people didn't show up. So we wasted several hundred dollars on food, and it sucked, and as a diligent organizer it bugged me during the reception. Oh, and screwed up my seating plan because there were half-filled tables.

Some I forgave easily, namely the flakey ones who were so busy or scatterbrained I didn't trust their RSVP much in the first place. One family of four (ouch) said their kids got sick... which sucks, although the fact that they never gave us a gift or card kinda made me doubt whether they really planned on coming.

No, the family I'm struggling with goes to our church, RSVPed for four, told me they were excited to come, and then... nothing. No gift, no card, no words of acknowledgement.

I don't remember if there were people there who didn't bring gifts, probably were, who knows. But skipping out entirely got my attention. I know that whenever I've had to no-show to a wedding I RSVPed to I always felt bad and sent a nice card with a check, even if it was a cake and punch reception in their church basement. I just knew I was doing a shitty thing and tried to ease the blow.

Anyway every time I see this family in church STILL my mind goes straight to, "DID YOU FORGET SOMETHING?" and I hate that about myself. Maybe it's because we weren't terribly close so I didn't really have much else to remember them by, they're really the only ones I still do this to. They know us, say hi, ask how the girls are, I just get nagged by my stupid obsessive brain that can't deal.

I don't know what we wasted on their four meals, I'm thinking $70-$100? No more than $120. And shit, it was my parents' money, not mine! Whatever the amount, it's not worth the mental energy I've spent clinging to the angst. I gotta shake it and would love some advice... and not "you're crazy, it's been years!" sort of advice, I've been saying that to myself. No, I would really just like brain surgery to replace this memory I have of this family with a different, happier one.
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