Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,

short update, baby isolation, etc

I hate livejournal dry spells, they hang over me. One year I made a resolution to post more short entries, so I wouldn't feel like a post has to be an epic story with an introduction, body, and conclusion. I thought that would help me keep things consecutive. I couldn't really get into it.

Last weekend I felt really bored with life, we had to get out of the house, renaissance fair was going on so we tried that. I'd never been to one before. It made for an expensive saturday, I couldn't figure out how to relax and have fun when everything required more. even without shopping we spent a lot of cash. you pay to get in, pay for a drink of water, the kids area wanted a dollar or two for each and every stupid little game like fishing with magnets, it's annoying. Josie had fun, she had her face painted and it was the most wonderful thing in the world, she'd kind of thrown a fit for it which we gave into because I hadn't bought her anything else there really, just said "no" to a million things she wanted, the face painting turned out to be worth it because she admired herself all day. she had pink and white flowers all over her forehead and pink sparkly lipstick and looked awesome. she's really too little for the shows though. then she got tired, so we let her ride in the stroller and held baby Olive, but that gets old after a while, always pushing or holding a kid, so we left.

I remember when Josie was a baby I got into this funk when she was 4 or 5 months old - the baby sequestration just starts wearing on you. nursing a baby is like a leash. you see friends go on camping trips, float trips, road trips, shopping, running around town all day, and you look around and think about what that would take for you and it's just too much. so you hang out at home and feel like not a real part of the world. it gets better, you adjust, the babies get older and start eating people food and you gain some independence, eventually. I think that's the funk I'm in now. Olive is a great baby, relaxed and adorable and it's nice to take her out because everyone loves her. And in the right environment, Josie is a great kid too.

I feel cooped up this year, but I can tough it out.

Oh last note... I wrote a while back about feeling guilty when I took the dog on a walk without Josie, and you all said I was making this way too hard, just take them both! So I tried it. It was a disaster. Josie doesn't walk fast enough for the dog, I was pulling Josie along and the dog was frustrated and pulling me along, Josie kept wanting to stop for stuff on the street and I didn't want to be an awful mom and tell her we did not have time to smell the flowers, but every time we stopped 9,000 mosquitoes discovered and devoured us, and there aren't sidewalks on our streets so I had the added bonus of cars zipping by me holding a toddler hand on one side and a super antsy dog on the other side who also wanted to stop and smell things but never when Josie did. It took us 30 minutes, we made it around one block, and I'm shocked none of us have west nile.

So please don't tell me I could totally have my normal life, just gotta take the kids along and it'll be a blast! It's not true. Some things just do not work and you all make me more miserable when you try to convince me otherwise.
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