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my social media birth plan

I'm going to have the same birth plan with this baby that I did with josie... I fill out the hospital form where I circle some things, and at the end I put "please everyone be encouraging, and for heaven's sake no one cut me." and that's it. Worked pretty well last time.

But let's discuss something else of importance: the baby announcement plan in the world of 2013 social media, EGADS. It's complicated! Gone are the days where you'd write out a list of phone numbers, call a few people in the afternoon after the baby was born, then mail out announcements a month later when the photos were developed.

So here is my plan:

1) The following can be notified that I'm in labor: husband, babysitter, my parents, my sister (& brother-in-law). Each of them may only then share the news with whoever they need to in order to miss a day of work for me, if they so choose. If I need to miss work, my immediate supervisor shall be contacted and told that I am "feeling achy".

2) Those same people can be notified, via text only, that the baby has in fact been born if they miss the actual birth. We can also tell the inlaws but only if they promise not to come speeding down in 30 minutes... they are in the category of "people I like to be dressed for". In fact it might just be better to wait an hour to tell them. I'll be more relaxed.

3) There will be no photographs of any part of the birth "experience" until the baby has been born, turned pink, nursed and given an hour with me to figure out what the hell just happened. Then she can be wiped off, wrapped up, and finally, ONLY if she's in a good mood, photographed for posterity's sake.

4) No pictures or announcements can go to the outside world until both sets of grandparents and my sister have had the possibility of seeing the baby. If I go into labor at 2am and they choose not to drive down, that's okay too, but four hours after the baby's born they had their chance so I won't feel so bad.

5) Then I have to call into work.

6) Then I get to tweet about it.

7) The baby must go on my facebook profile first, because I'm the one who just pushed her out, dammit. This is really one of the few things I feel like I deserve in return for all that labor. But it doesn't have to be posted by me, marc can totally use my phone.

8) Then Marc can post about the baby on his profile, because he's the father.

9) Finally, anyone else who happened to be hanging around can post about it too.

10) No one is allowed to post pictures of me looking half-dead like I just went through childbirth. I would like some pictures taken of me and the baby this time around, but only with my camera so I can review them later.

And that's it for now, although I might tweak it a bit. Actually I think having a control-freaky social media plan for having a baby is better than a control-freaky birth plan, because everyone knows birth plans can go straight out the window if the going gets weird. Hell, last time I went to the hospital to have a baby I practically brought a suitcase of "labor aids"... fruit snacks, energy drinks, massagers, books on labor that I'd read but thought I might need to reference in the moment, music, magazines, affirmations... it was all just weight in the suitcase. I didn't know what the hell would happen, and this time around I still don't know what the hell will happen.

But at least I can set guidelines for how it'll look on facebook. That makes me feel pleasantly in control.


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 29th, 2013 03:43 am (UTC)
That looks like a really good plan. It is important to spell this stuff out because a lot of people don't think about it.
Apr. 29th, 2013 04:13 am (UTC)
This is awesome.
Apr. 29th, 2013 04:45 am (UTC)
And also: It's good to have a plan. When I had the twins four years ago, no one I knew had a smartphone and I don't think the hospital had wifi. It KILLED me that I did not have control over the social media aspect of the announcement, especially screening of the photos. Alasdair was pretty good about not putting stuff out there without my consent, but since I was in the hospital for almost a week, people were DEMANDING info/photos, so he had to oblige.
Apr. 29th, 2013 04:30 am (UTC)
Hehehee. I like that you came up with this.

I remember with Little Prince people kept asking me what was going on and I was like, "dudes, I PROMISE i will tweet/update facebook when in labor." I totally did too and then I put my phone on airplane mode once i got to the birthing center so no one could call me. Actually, having the status updates helped me figure out my timing when i was writing up my birth story.

I made sure that I was the first one to post a picture of LP/all of us. I did look kind of like death, but that was probably due to the slightly-more-than-normal blood loss. I don't have any in-labor pictures, for which I am truly thankful.

I think I'd add a "while I don't have any modesty issues, please make sure that all nipples are covered by either clothing, blanket, or breastfeeding baby in all pictures" clause.
Apr. 29th, 2013 12:16 pm (UTC)
Haha, you're so organized! My plan was more like: 1) Have baby, 2) Everyone finds out somehow.
Apr. 29th, 2013 02:13 pm (UTC)
I like it. The only part of my sister's birth plan that was 100% set in stone was not having anyone in the L&D room before the baby was born except myself and her husband. My SIL didn't have that rule and it was like a parade of insanity throughout her whole labor (except the pushing, which not even the most nosy family members wanted to be present for). LOL
Apr. 29th, 2013 02:14 pm (UTC)
I wish I had thought to do something like this, then maybe my asshole idiot friends wouldn't have announced it on FB before I could.
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 29th, 2013 10:45 pm (UTC)
awe, super lame! you at least had the exclusive on the pics, right?
Apr. 29th, 2013 06:38 pm (UTC)
Great plan. I hope the executors of said plan understand their place and purpose.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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