Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,


We owe on federal taxes this year, which means I've typed in like 95% of what I need to into turbotax but then put it all aside later to totally finish up and submit, and this weekend my goal was to finish it all, but it didn't happen. It's like the least fun thing in the world to do. I'll log in, it asks me for one more extra number, and I'm like "eh screw it I'll do it tomorrow".

So I got all KINDS of other stuff done this weekend in order to avoid that!

I went through drawers in the guest room to clear some out so we have a place for baby clothes. Emptied out three drawers! I tried to go through all my clothes and apply the "If you haven't touched it in a year, throw it out" rule but that doesn't really work when you're pregnant because there will be a time and place for the skinny clothes again, it's just clearly not now. So I just made a big bag of stuff I know I won't wear for six months, it'll go in the basement and if I make it through life for another year without missing it, I can donate it. Easy stuff. And some items puzzle me... pantyhose? I wear them once a year, maybe. But I'm glad I have them when that once a year comes up, so I put them in a bag and shoved them to the bottom of a drawer... doesn't follow my rule. Dammit.

I also got all crafty and made some cute onesies for the new baby, out of a pattern I compiled from other nasty rejected old onesies:

That one is out of some sweet organic knit fabric I bought from spoonflower, but I made the "test" version out of an old t-shirt that never fit me very well, and it turned out pretty darn cute too. I also traced out the pattern in inkscape when I was done, because one of my New Years resolutions was to get better at vector graphics and I'd say I'm getting there. And then I posted the whole pattern with illustrations to my etsy blog.

And through all of this, Josie was just sort of following me around, she's good enough to last a while in the craft room now without getting into a mess and getting kicked out. She likes stringing pony beads onto shoelaces these days. She's started sorting them into colors. I tried to show her a pattern... blue, green, blue, green, what comes next? "Orange!" she announced. because she liked orange. that's okay. Maybe next week I'll show her sewing with yarn and plastic mesh... she can't just grow up stringing beads, I told her, the jewelry market on etsy is completely flooded.

Josie is not quite three, and so excited about the new baby, but I'm scared to death for her. Sure I'm acting like it's all happy, she's getting a sister! But deep down inside I fear this is the worst thing to ever happen in her tiny little life. She loves her routines, loves having a mom and dad to snuggle with on command, marc and I were joking about how when she hurts herself she tends to go to the parent who's the most busy looking for comfort. I know that having a newborn baby in 2010 really rocked my world in all the predictable ways, it was not my most fun year ever, but I was 30 years old and knew how to deal, a little bit, and it was something we decided to do ourselves anyway so we had no choice but to brace for impact.

So I've been clingy with Josie lately, wishing I could fill her up with time so she doesn't miss it as much when we get slammed with new baby craziness. If she wants to lay in bed next to me tracing my eyebrows, that's fine. Build a pillow house for us to hang out in, bake cookies purely as a ploy to straight up eat the sugar, get all bundled up to play in the snow even if I know she'll get sick of it in ten minutes, that's fine too. She hugs me in the morning, hugs my tummy to say "good morning baby!" and I just hope this summer doesn't scar her for life. I realize that millions of children get siblings every year and the dynamic there is not always ponies and roses or whatever, but can you blame me for being a little concerned? She's two years old. Three feet tall. Just now learned to recognize when her clothes are inside-out. Says she loves bugs, as she's shrinking back from them in some instinctual fear that she can't describe... and she tries to describe everything. Nothing earth shaking has ever happened in her entire life, and we're building her up to be excited about this baby, and she'll get some presents in those first days and everything will be a celebration, like it is. then what?
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