Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,

mothers day

I was proud of myself and my family this morning. We finally broke down and got Josie a haircut yesterday, it looks adorable. We got up and got ready for church. I had on a nice skirt, and Josie was wearing this perfect dress with butterflies. She skinned her face up pretty bad yesterday on our walkway, throwing a tantrum because I'd locked the gate and wouldn't let her run out into the street, so I was happy to have her in a dress that was more noticeable than her barfight-looking face. "I am happy to be a mother," I thought.

Then at church there were the prayer requests from the congregation and I swear, this is the summary of what I heard they were about:

5% celebrating mothers
25% supporting those with missing or lost mothers
30% celebrating mother-figures of people whose original mothers didn't cut it
60% healing for those whose mothers just totally damaged them beyond all earthly help

I stopped to think what sort of prayer my kid would be asking the congregation for, 30 years from now.

I realized, statistically speaking, that my odds are not good.

I've never been a huge fan of mothers day anyhow, but it seems like fathers day is more about laughing at the shortcomings of our dads, there are all the cards about how they like sports or fishing or sleeping in, and mothers day is more like "mothers sacrifice SO MUCH we have to thank them unless they fell short of that perfection so we don't". We're all either IN or OUT. It reminded me of the commonly referred to "deuce bigalow" media trope, where a tragic male is funny, but a tragic female is just tragic.

I'm not blaming the people who stood up. They're telling it like it is. Not all mothers are good mothers. Not all mothers can be there. It's unfortunate, just like it's unfortunate that not all fathers are good fathers. What I don't like is this sugary-sweet holiday drawing attention to it, forcing everyone to walk by the pink store displays and put every mother under a microscope.

I think we should lighten up a bit, that's all. Loving your mother, or considering your mother, should be just a normal part of everyday life. It gets too weird when we take something from the everyday and FOCUS on it. It's like getting a bouquet of 2-dozen roses on valentine's day... what does that couple do the other 364 days a year?

I just want to lay low, be what I'm going to be, and hope that's good enough for my child. No holidays. No analysis. No conformity. Less pressure.
Tags: holidays
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