Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,

holiday's over

I'm returning to work today. Let's review my last few weeks... starting December 13th, I had a four day work-week, then a four-day pre-holiday weekend with my family. Then a three-day work week, Christmas, company shutdown between Christmas and New Years. So now it's back, after what, 10 days off?

Of course I love my job but I was extra reluctant to dive into five days at the office this week. Break was really nice. I got to sew. Eat four meals a day. I snuggled with the baby a LOT. We'd wake up together, nurse, go downstairs to play with blocks on the floor. She'd climb all over me and I'd grab her and flip her upside-down and then pretend like she'd knocked me over. She'd chew on my sweatshirt straps and kiss me and blow bubbles and smile. We napped together a few times. We breastfed a lot... the gradual introduction of solid foods has done nothing to curb her milk appetite. That was my break.

I don't know how moms take six months or a year off then go back to work, I'd think that'd be tougher than what I did with the 6-8 week leave thing, hate to say it. It wasn't that hard to leave a six-week old at home because, quite honestly, I was kinda tired of her. Yeah I know bad mom but it's true. She didn't distinguish me from any stranger on the street, needed to be held but wasn't sturdy enough to be *cuddled* per say. But now Josie's freaking cute, and developing so fast, and getting more interested in the world. And she misses ME and loves ME and clearly thinks I'm the best person in the world.

It made me think of what life would be like in simpler times. I asked Marc if he thought it'd be nice to raise a baby in a commune, you could just hang out and be a family all day, except he pointed out that people in communes do a lot of work just to feed themselves. Also I don't know how their health care plans work out.

I also thought about what life would be like as a home mom but I don't think that'd be as fun as break, because Marc wouldn't be around. One of the things I loved about holiday break was lots of Marc time. I've always thought that there's something wrong with society keeping me away from him so many hours a week. We also cuddle, nap together, eat together... the fact that we're a house of three now just makes it all more intense. Oh, the other problem with home-momming is that I worry about my sense of long-term accomplishment without designing airplanes. But that's another issue.

I watched this documentary on the Shakers. It's on Netflix, I'd highly recommend it. Their lives were just so wonderfully simple. They believed that devotion to craft was the greatest way to get your soul in the right place to be devoted to God, and so there are all these wonderful examples of buildings and furniture that are perfectly constructed by Shakers. Everyone did everything and took a turn at learning every trade, everything was done with sharing and togetherness and love. Unfortunately, they did not believe in making more Shakers. They valued celibacy, and consequently there are hardly any of them left. Also, their craft-to-perfection philosophy was totally at odds with the industrial revolution. Americans at the turn of the century were obsessed with how many chairs per hour they could crank out, not how perfect the chairs were. And so it goes.

The grass is always greener on the other side, I guess.

I'm back at the factory.
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