Marc's been a bigger guy since I've known him and I've always loved how he looks, he's cuddly and giggly and we make jokes about his love for cake and Burger King. But deep down I know he needs to be healthier. He's had some health issues... sleep issues, ankles that don't hold up, and his doctor said he really needed to lose weight to fix that stuff. He's also full-blooded Native American, and we get these newsletters from the nation he's enrolled in, and nearly every one has some sidebar article about managing the diabetes that you as an Indian either already have or are inevitably going to get. I don't want Marc to get diabetes. I want him to live a long healthy life so we can hang out (and hell... after this year, have some baby-free empty nester time to get our party back on, am I right?)
So anyway my goal is to be as supportive as I can. A long time ago I posted to _marriedlife_ asking for advice on how to nudge him in the "healthy" direction... I got a big wakeup call from that community. Lots of people pointed out that I'd been doing some lousy things... like drawing attention to the fact that I'm filled up by a granola bar, when he wants to run out for an egg mcmuffin. Bigger people need more calories to feel full and they don't lose weight by getting bad vibes from skinny people. I'd never thought about it like that at all. So it got me wondering what other things I do that are mean or unsupportive that I don't even know about.
I already failed once this week because the diet has made him pretty much obsessed with food... planning meals, counting calories, exploring fruits that might taste good blended with a diet shake. About an hour into Tuesday night I snapped and was like "can we PLEASE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE? surely there's something you read or saw on TV or found online today that wasn't DIET?!" Right away I felt really awful. Be supportive, be supportive, be supportive.
We also had a talk about leftover ice cream bars in the fridge, he wanted to eat one Sunday before the diet "started" and I said that was bad, why not save it for a mid-week reward, he was frustrated that I was trying to sabatoge his future healthy week. He really wants that accomplishment. Oh, and we totally have had it out about Thanksgiving too... his diet lasts 12 weeks, which means no off-diet food for Thanksgiving, Christmas, or even his birthday. I told him to cheat and eat with the family for the sake of tradition, he says it's not allowed, I realized quickly that I was fighting with him on the wrong side of things and shut up about it.
It kind bites that I have to make my own food for dinner at night. I'm trying to eat really healthy things along with him, and since he has to make vegetables I figure we can split those and I can figure out my meals based on what the veggie choice of the night is. And I know it would obviously be insensitive of me to eat terribly delicious food loaded up with cheese while he's dieting, so I'm planning to do lot of salads, pasta with a little oil, grilled chicken. In a way this could make both of us healthier. In fact just the act of not eating out for a while is very good for us, and our budget. I just need to make sure our marriage can survive whatever turmoil is going to happen over the next few weeks. wish us luck!