It's been a looong month. June 9th feels like it was years ago.
Spacebaby is an adventure, I'll say that. Every day is so random. Maybe she'll sleep constantly between feedings. Maybe she'll be up at 5:30 and won't nap until 4 in the afternoon. Maybe she'll be happy laying on her blanket on the floor with me, kicking her legs and waving her arms and looking out the window. Maybe she'll be pissed off for hours no matter what we do.
The more I read about "nighttime", and the more nights I experience, the more I think it's a crapshoot you can't control. I once read a magazine that said sleeping at night was just a normal part of neurological development, not a result of parental strategy and training. I'm really starting to subscribe to that idea. Her good and bad nights don't coincide at all with what time her bath is, how much sleep she gets during the day, what activities we do. She is having fewer and fewer bad nights though. Last night was annoying, because every time she woke up (at 11, at 2:30, at 4:30) it took a full hour to get her back to sleep. She'd eat and doze off but when we laid her down she woke up. So we had to hold her until she was really sleeping, and it took several failed attempts before laying her down really worked.
I realize I complain about her a lot lately... the work, the screaming, the sleep-deprivation. But her happy moments are more than I could have ever hoped for. And she doesn't even smile yet! We can just tell sometimes when she's good and focused on something that she's okay with this world she's been born into, and then it's all worth it. I love watching her smile in her sleep. I love it when she's been nursing, and then latches off and stretches like she's just finished some huge meal, closes her eyes and SIGHS. And I love watching her stare vacantly out the windows, for some reason.
It's been quite a month.