Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,
Spacefem
spacefem

  • Music:

she's carbon and water

Okay so there's this scene in Amelie where the main character, upon making the decision to do good everywhere she goes, is watching TV and envisions this news story about her own death. They talk about what a great person she is and how the world will miss her, and it's so sad she starts crying, and it's horribly silly but I can actually relate because I do that sort of thing all the time. "Beloved internet personality Spacefem died today, sending the entire World Wide Web into a state of mourning and loss. Livejournal members alone produced nearly 200 eulogies and Cmdr Taco himself said that Slashdot would never be the same without Spacefem's witty, insightful comments. Chyx.org has been rendered completely silent, its members too shaken by the loss to even post in the forums."

I'm so famous in my own head! If it weren't for the internet I'd probably have gone nuts long ago, or made little clay figures I could imagine to be my minions. sigh. I am nuts.

Today was a bad day. We did our project demo for the teacher who wasn't there last week and it worked, just not great. Thing is, no one's ever looked closely enough at it to realize how unstable it all really is. And our teacher might not have either, but one of the mechanical engineering instructors who also happens to be directly related if not the son of satan himself happened to waltz in and want to ask a few questions about the system. I HATE this guy. He just kept firing off questions about units and conversions and how I got my formulas and what I was measuring and the fact is, I barely know what Aluminum is, I just read up on this "strain" science in the last few weeks. But he just kept going. I almost cried, and there's nothing I hate more than almost crying in front of a teacher. I've never done it before but I'm not about to start now, no, this geek girl cries for no man!

So anyway, our instructor told us to go up to the lab and check our batteries (in a fit of desperation we tried to blame those, even though we knew that wasn't it at all). He came up later and we discovered several facinating technological phenomenons, then he bent a resistor a little bit to check a voltage and it was suddenly okay. ah. So he told us if we could demo again tomorrow and have it work, he'd call it good. otherwise it was back to the lab to check for stability. uhg.

I thought our thing would take 30 minutes this afternoon, instead it took four hours. I spend every waking second on our engineering reports and have a huge PLC project due Monday that I just don't see how I'm going to finish. Maybe get an extention? Oh, I'm hopeless!

You know why it's great to listen to Jill Sobule after a day of crying (or almost crying)? Because she's real. She's been through the depression and kids being mean and getting dropped from record labels and still writes happy songs that tell you to shake it off and keep appreciating life because it is life after all. Maybe that's what I really want spacefem.com to be like. Hey, world, you're gonna be okay. It's true, I haven't been through a lot of hardships in my life, I can't really relate to people with real problems, but does that mean I can't throw a little hope in the direction of people who do have them? Try to make them smile? I think that's okay. I just try to look like a strong, stable, logical person who has some answers to life but is still looking for others, just like everybody else. When you cut it down to that, maybe it doesn't matter that I haven't been through painful trials. I am just like everybody else.

We're all really just trying to get through life here. It's a weird planet that doesn't spin quite right, and we got thrown on together, and we're not smart enough to make sense of it all, just smart enough to know the sense might be out there to make. I say my journal and my website are for me, but maybe I'm kidding myself.

They might be for the whole world. I know, if that's what I'm trying for, I need a much better gift...
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