Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,

mother's day

It's been a nice relaxing weekend.

Friday night I played Bunco with some neighborhood ladies, which is disgusting. Way to suburbanite for me. And let me say, Bunco is a totally stupid game, there's no strategy, you just roll dice and... well that's it. But it allows for talking and socializing which is nice, and the gals were cool and there was lots of wine. I realize wine isn't a huge draw for me now but it WILL BE, and it'd be nice to have some nearby people I recognize.

Saturday we went shopping, then hit up a graduation party at night. Oh, and I took a walk. A long 30 minute walk. And I'm sad to say it kicked my ass, by the time I was done my back was killing me, my hips were aching. I need to do that more often apparently. I'd quit working out (going to the club and doing elliptical) when we moved because I figured moving was working out, and we were pretty cramped for time, but since the housewarming party I've had no excuse.

Today we went out to look for furniture. Our old apartment had a HUGE bedroom closet... our house does not. We have no place for anything. There aren't 15 feet of shelves lining the walls. Anyway there was nothing in the world we loved, so we came back home. We took my inlaws out to dinner for mother's day, went to an italian place, they were super busy. They stayed and talked until 9:00 or so but I was feeling run down and not real into the conversation so I went upstairs to make sure my work clothes for the week were ready.

Mother's day inspired me to add a daily countdown to my pregnancy script, so I could tell that I was 33 days away from my predicted date of motherhood. I did no more mothering this weekend than I ever do... I ate, I napped, I incubated. The date's getting close, isn't it? At the store I bought a thing of yogurt, and noticed it was set to expire on June 11th just like my pregnancy.

The baby feels big. Sometimes I see little bulges on my stomach where baby parts are stretching out, sometimes a whole side of me is pushed out and harder, totally uneven, and I wonder if I'm feeling a whole body pressed up against the side needing more room. One of us is moving all the time... when I'm walking around, I don't notice her, I think she's tucked in and happy, but when I sit down she stretches out and wants to be seen. And when I lay down, she moves around to find a good position, and when I flip over, she moves around again based on that. It's weird. It's good that it's all been so gradual, otherwise it'd totally freak me out.

Scientifically speaking, I've decided that any anxiety about childbirth is eased by the increasing discomfort and weirdness of pregnancy. You're supposed to look forward to delivery, supposed to feel unintimidated by it, supposed to feel like it's the right thing to happen. Sometimes when I'm seeing all this baby movement I get this little twinge of feeling like, "Okay hon, you're a person. You're supposed to be out on your own like the rest of us, eating your food, wearing clothes, looking around." Those little twinges get longer and closer together every day. It won't be long until I feel strongly like it's time to evict the child, and then giving birth will seem like the most right thing in the world. When I got pregnant I remember telling the guys at work that I felt weird about it, there wasn't some magic womanhood part of me that made me feel like it was normal to let something inside me grow to 7-9 pounds and work its way out, I was completely freaked to be honest... but maybe the magic part of my brain was there all along? Or it didn't have to be so magic anyway.
Tags: holidays
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