Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,
Spacefem
spacefem

how to blow off five years of baby showers and stay classy?

My sister and ms. A are planning a baby shower for me in about a month and I've been sending them some invite names.

Hence my dilemma. You all might remember that I haven't always been the most pro-baby person in the past? For a long time I figured I'd never get married, never have a baby, and I was really okay with that? Well things took a turn and now I'm thrilled, of course. Marriage has been much cooler than I thought it'd be. And the baby, well, I like some babies, I just figured I'd have the kind of baby that's AWESOME and it'd all be okay.

It puts me in a tough position because I have not been a very supportive friend to some ladies in my Circle Of Friends. I feel like if I don't invite some people, it'll be weird, because they're part of the group and get invited to all my parties (and even come to quite a few), and I'm invited to their parties, and it's just how life is. But if I DO invite them it puts them in the awkward position of remembering that I blew off their baby showers.

It wasn't anything they did, it was just Baby Showers. I declared that I hated them. I couldn't stand the waterfall of pastel, the "awwwwwe!" chorus after every stupid pack of onesies, the GAMES. OH THE GAMES. What alien woman actually enjoys tasting baby food? Or drinking from baby bottles? Or doing ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH POOP? I decided, sometime in 2004 or 2005, that I couldn't take one more diaper game... I was boycotting all baby showers. I could never tell what the worst ones would be, I'd go into the homes of women I thought were really cool, and BAM, poop jokes start up. I couldn't risk one more Sunday afternoon.

But it made things kind of uneven. There are three women in particular I feel bad about. The worst is Catherine... the girl is awesome, makes me laugh, gave me a nice wedding gift and something when I had my big graduation party for my masters. I knew her after she was married, so missed her wedding. I've never given this girl anything. I work with her husband, and a little over a year ago he asked for my address so they could get me a baby shower invite, and I replied with a totally painfully honest response: "I'd rather be tortured than go to a baby shower. Seriously. It's not you, it's everyone, I can't take it, I hate them so much. I'll send a card, k?"

I didn't send a card.

I think I even bought one, and a gift card, but time slipped away and now I'm just a really bad friend.

So I have three choices:

1) Act like I have no idea what's going on and am not keeping score, invite them all because they're friends, play dumb.

2) Don't invite them. Maybe the weekend will come and go and nobody will notice.

3) Own it. Go ahead and send those cards... or have them at my shower! Hand them out with a public apology that I was such a biznitch for so many years. I mean, isn't a Target gift card just as useful for a new baby than it is a three-year-old?

I'm open to suggestions.

One thing I can say is that my baby showers will not have any activities related to poop. In fact, we may just put an all-conversation poop-ban out there so the record's straight. And we'll have alcohol. And people will be allowed to talk about what's going on in their lives, if the conversation drifts away from babies that's okay. The only conversation I will personally encourage is one about how all women are awesome... women having babies, women not having babies, babies who are women, whatever. I just want everyone to have a good time.
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