Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,

dude, where's my period?

I am not good with ambiguity.

In July marc and I decided to jump off the birth control cliff and see what would happen. Nothing happened. I mean it's nice not having to worry about birth control, I haven't taken the pill since January and I like myself better off of it. I've been keeping track of my period on a calendar because it's an interesting reference. I am a 26-day girl. Okay, sometimes 27.

But never 31. Oh it's not that big a deal, it's not that late, but I worry about everything because I'm just a neurotic person. So when things didn't happen on perfect schedule Tuesday it got me wondering, of course. Then Wednesday. Thursday. Friday I was all out wondering if I was pregnant. It made me really nervous, and when I got nervous I felt it in my stomach, and when my stomach felt bad I realized that sickness is another sign of pregnancy so how am I going to tell the difference between nervous sick and pregnant sick? I can't! Okay I'm nervous. Not pregnant. Pregnant sick would be obvious and would have happened by now. I don't feel pregnant, obviously I'm not pregnant. Then why've I been so hungry lately? I eat a piece of toast for breakfast every morning, then this week had to switch to two pieces of toast, why am I hungry at 9:30 in the morning?

I'm posting this entry to try another strategy that I used in college: if your period is late, and you tell someone about it, it'll happen.

Of course in college I wasn't having near-daily unprotected sex either.

I realize this entry makes it sound like I don't want to be pregnant and that's not true, it's what I had planned sort of. I just didn't really expect it. And it's very scary. And after a few months of nothing happening I figured we were one of those "nothing happens" couples. I haven't been as careful as I should have been, I know I missed taking my vitamins some days, and last week I had a glass of wine and sushi.

I told marc my period was late, he asked if she got tied up in airport security somewhere. He can joke about it. Nothing phases this guy. He's okay with the unknown. That's why I like traveling with him. He doesn't need a schedule or a map, doesn't worry that we're missing something important or taking the long way. Things happen when they happen, and don't happen when they don't happen.

Why can't I just go with it? Why do I have to hyper-analyze every hour that goes by?
Tags: pregnancy
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