Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,

real journal

so through my forummites I learned that I can use to export a pdf of my entire journal! and there are places where you can get the pdf bound up like a book, so your journal is safe and beautiful for ever. it's an interesting concept.

at first I was really excited and totally wanted to do it... I've been keeping this thing for six years now, it covers a lot... my entire senior year of college, my first job, every promotion. trips to st. louis, las vegas, sacramento, toronto, colorado, and all over the midwest. airplane rides. exercise. roommates, apartments, pets. friends, boyfriends, husband. campaigns and protests. happiness and whining. all these beautiful things.

but it's also got cussing, drinking binges, and sex. and by drinking I mean excessive drinking. and by sex I mean pre-marital sex. and by cussing I mean... well you get it. anyway I hesitated... what if I get this thing perfect-bound and my grandkids find it someday and realize that I wasn't the compass of morality that I might act like to them (if I ever learn to act like that)?

I could export only the public entries... that would cut out a lot of the wrongness, I mean, my parents have been reading this thing from the outside. But then I'm leaving out part of my Real Life that I'm going through... especially the stuff about friends and work that I just didn't want in google, that's the only reason I closed it off. And I'm not going to freaking publish this thing, I just want to have it around for my own personal self to flip through when I want to remember the good times, or in case the internet ever a-splode. I still have that copy of Weekly World News, the best ever, that said that terrorists were plotting to blow up the internet. They wouldn't lie.

so that's where I'm at... wanting to preserve all of myself, but unsure whether I'll always want all of myself. you know?
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