Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,

losing school

people keep telling me how happy I must be feeling to see the end of school coming on. the closer I get, I'm not so sure.

first off, you have to admit I've had a love-hate relationship with grad school these past four years. yes, it's always been there. but it's also always been there. it's interesting stuff that I've enjoyed studying, I've completed rewarding projects, I've learned to read academic papers (and had free online access to every electronic database of published work I could want).

the worst thing happening is that when I graduate, I'm losing my all-purpose excuse. when I told people I couldn't do ___ because I was busy with school they immediately left me alone. if I just tell them I'm feeling antisocial or would rather post on internet forums, they keep up the hard sell. And I really need an excuse to be antisocial. I don't think people who read my journal on a regular basis understand just how much alone time I need on a daily basis. When I moved to Wichita, I lived by myself for three years before I started feeling like I should live with or around people. It took a good solid year before I felt like I should make some friends. Two years before I actually did.

I live with marc now and he understands me at an abnormal level so I actually can tell him I'd like to sit at home posting on internet forums for two hours instead of going out, and it's all good. but that trait makes him so rare that I married the guy. the rest of the world isn't so tolerant.

anyway, I'm not so afraid of being without school that I'd consider going back, I know my schedule hasn't been entirely healthy these past few years. but I also sort of wish it'd hang around somehow.
Tags: graduate school
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