Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,
Spacefem
spacefem

when marc and I first started talking about getting married, I used to get these horribly sick feelings about the marriage... with today's divorce statistics, our odds are not good. and I liked to think we had the perfect relationship but isn't that what everybody says when they get married?

anyway time went on and I got to feeling better. everyone assured me that there are millions of totally f-ed up relationships in the world (I've seen evidence backing this up), and that's who makes the statistics. marc was a rock through this whole thing, helping me with the family stress, doing whatever I needed, driving me around to appointments. but now there's tonight... I have this sick, sick feeling again that I haven't had in weeks... maybe even months. I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing. I doubt my abilities to make a relationship work. I'm scared he'll change. I wish I could see the future. I'm mad that he's been married before. Sometime a few hours ago after all the table cards were finished and I saw all the family in town, I found myself panicking and praying... please let us make it? please let me be doing the right thing? please give me the courage to just go through with this and be happy going through with it, because for the last three months, I've been so sure I'd be happy to go through with it?

our countdown says 0.71 days... maybe i'm supposed to be freaking out right now.
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