Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,

the plans

Marc and I are celebrating our negative one month wedding anniversary today, which is exciting, so I thought I'd post about wedding stuff. Sorry. I've learned that the only way to deal with wedding is to just give up and embrace the madness.

or, stop worrying and learn to love the bomb.

I can't believe how often I quote that movie, given how fucked up it is.

Anyway I think I'm at least acknowledging that it is madness, that's what sets me apart from some of the population. I've been watching Bridezillas DVDs that we get from netflix... it's so good. I mean seriously, I love it. It tells the story of a wedding, but skips all the good things about it and goes straight for the bitchy drama. And honest to god, I think it's almost a shame that they call it Bridezillas, because they portray every dark side of the wedding fiascos, complete with plannerzillas, parentzillas, bridesmaidzillas, groomzillas, and kidzillas. Marc's not really into reality TV so I wait until he's gone, put in a dvd, file my fingernails, read through Wichita Brides for florists one more time, and disappear into a shadow of my normally intellectual self. That little part of me that I rarely talk about, that part that likes America's Next Top Model, avril, face washing products, and sewing... I finally understand what that part of me was meant for. It's been waiting in the shadows until the day some man wanted to marry me, and the logical side of me opted not to elope. You know how the Bible talks about the choirs of angels singing on the second coming of Jesus? Okay, that was going on the right side of my brain the day that the normally powerful left side said, "Vegas is sort of commercial, let's just invite the whole family and have a wedding."

So I watch bridezillas so when some 26 year old account exec shouts at her bridesmaids, "HOW COME NONE OF YOU HAVE EVEN SAID HOW PRETTY I LOOK TODAY?" I can yell back, "HELL YEAH, OWN IT GIRL!" I can't tell you why I enjoy watching people get sucked into The Machine. I just do. Maybe it's because I know I got sucked down into it and I feel better that I'm not alone. Originally this was all going to be so independent. I sort of point to wedding dress day as the start of going to the dark side... mom convinced me to go shopping and we found a dress that was so absolutely amazing I started thinking that I am, well, bridal. I found the picture of it on the internet and look at it all the time now. then I got this mental picture of myself, in the middle of this wedding, with everyone there, marc looking adorable, all the music we love... slippery slope, people, slippery slope. and I cry. all the time now. I cry when I hear one of the 5,412 songs that we've considered for our first dance (seriously considered, that is... "Because I Got High" wasn't really a candidate). I cry when I think about the big family picture. I cry when our church friends come up and tell us how happy they are for us... almost a year and a half ago, one lady I've known since I joined the church said to me, "Marc has just added something to you, it's amazing to see it. You light up. You've changed." Nobody's ever said that to me, about any guy. oh, see, here it goes.

It all feeds in! I must say that the good and healthy thing is that we're planning this wedding with ten weeks, so no matter how crazy we get, we'll settle back into being normal people easily enough. I mean if you take two years for it, what kind of person do you become after those two years? True, they might be a little more relaxed... we've had to make some kind of wedding decision every night. But I'm sure if you're obsessed about it for too long, you find other things to buy, decisions to stress over, people to involve... and we don't have time for that, thank God.
Tags: wedding
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