Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,

the good day

I had the day off today. In honor of such, I decided to really take a day off. I skipped the picnics and gatherings and didn't talk to anyone all day. I sewed. I made myself a green floor-length skirt and matching halter top, and a tunic made from sheer, translucent brown fabric with blue flowers. I had the radio on, but didn't turn on the TV. And I listened to music.

Recently, I've been buying CDs left and right, too fast to listen to them all as much as I even want to. For the first time in years, there's always something new in my car that I'm trying to soak in. I used to browse through CD stores looking for interesting old music to add to the grand collection or some sampler, and I'd buy every few months, but suddenly it's like music for me is everywhere. All these fabulous artists have new stuff that just fucking rocks! Green Day, Weezer, Ben Folds, Sleater-Kinney the list goes on.

I was introspective. I did some reading. I thought about the glorious sunset I saw last night when I went on my long run... the sun went behind the clouds and there were a million sunbeams in every direction coming out from it. I thought about dad. He visited, and he kept turning the conversation towards where I was going in life. My generation is one that changes jobs every five years, he said. It's how people advance. Don't be afraid to look. Don't be afraid to talk if someone approaches you. Don't be afraid to leave Kansas, even though we hate the thought of you leaving, something wonderful could come along. I love my job and I love Kansas but I knew what he meant. Dad and I are the same person. I always know what he means.

I asked him why mom was so convinced that I was lonely and needed a boyfriend. Could she think of me as anything besides a mindless grandbaby-making machine? He said, "I was your age when I met your mother. I got married. We've been so happy ever since, and that's really what we want for you, it's especially what she wants for you."

It's been so good to be single. When I started dating my first real boyfriend at 19, a lot of introspection that I'd had died. I quit writing songs and poetry. Quit playing guitar. I broke up with him and thought it'd come back, but I was deep into the seriousness of being an engineering student, and there was another boyfriend right there anyway. And another after that. And another... until this year. I hadn't been single for more than a couple months at any one time in the past six years.

I feel like I'm having my own renaissance. I'm getting art and music, learning about politics, diving into graduate-level engineering. I feel like this is a very important time in my life, even if I'm not changing jobs or meeting my soulmate.

are those things the blossom of life, that I'm just now growing roots for? because I'd be happy if it didn't take any of that to be the woman I'm supposed to be.
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