I called my boss to say I'd be late today. I have aggy in a box that I think I'll take to a vet to ask what they do with these animals. I live in an apartment, I can't just go to some public land and bury her, I don't feel like that's secure. I'm sure the vet does something incensitive but I want them to do it, and I'll even pay them, I just need to hand her to someone.
I have so much to do at work but I can't go thirty minutes without crying right now. my goal is to pull it together by 10 to make it in, but I feel like if anyone talks to me I'll just lose it. I wish my sister wasn't in scotland. I can't call her, and she's the only one I want to talk to about this.
last night I wanted to write here but couldn't. instead, I got the cardboard box to put aggy in, and I wrote on the box. I wrote everything about her, and every silly little memory I could think of, and whatever vet I take her to they're going to think I'm nuts because this box is covered with black sharpie now but it felt right, and I had so much to say. so much that this little life represented, and it's all gone from the world.