Him: Hello, I'm pleased to tell you that you're eligible to enter a sweepstakes in which the grand prize is $50,000. Would you mind if I asked you a few questions?
Me: Um, I don't really like telemarketers.
That's okay, my questions will only take a second. Are you single or married?
Are you 21-34, 34-45, 45....
Um, the first one. 21 to whatever. Can I ask you a question? Don't you hate your job, being a telemarketer?
Well, yeah, kind of. (laughs) Do you have any interests?
No. Oh, well okay, computers.
Computers, huh? Boy, you see some crazy stuff out there.
On the internet? Sometimes, I guess.
Well, we're going to offer you 48 weeks of free Yahoo! Internet Life and Wired magazines. All you have to do is agree to take our weekly publication at $3.50 an issue.
Oh geez, I knew it. Look, I'm in college, $3.50 a week is a lot for me.
A lot? I bet you spend that much at the bar!
See? You're getting into my beer money. And I hate Yahoo! and Wired! I just don't do stuff over the phone, ever. I won't buy anything from you, you're wasting your time.
Well we can customize your order, we offer hundreds of titles. What do you like, YM? Better Homes and Gardens?
I'm a feminist. I don't like YM, I think it objectifies women.
Oh. I don't really know what feminists like. How about RedBook?
RedBook? Have you ever read that? It's about losing weight and cleaning your house, it's not for feminists at all!
Sorry! Okay, do you like snowboarding?
I live in Kansas! We have no hills! Look, I like you and all, but you should know I'm not going to agree to anything you're trying to get me to do. I'm wasting your time. I'd feel bad hanging up on you, but you're never going to get an order out of me.
How about hiking?
No! Can't you hang up on me? I'm wasting your time, I'm really sorry.
I can't hang up on you. I'm not allowed.
Wow, seriously? So every person you talk to either buys your crap or hangs up on you?
Yeah. It's tough, I admit it.
Your life sucks! Wow, you should go find something you like doing.
I'm considering it.
Go for it! Okay, I'm gonna hang up on you and get a pizza, but it's been nice talking to you. Don't settle for second best in life, okay?
and then I hung up
So now I'm thinking, maybe when telemarketers call me, rather than tell them to stop being annoying or hanging up I should try to change who they are and make them realize there's more to life than working away in a dead end job. They can break free! They can be somebody! Yes, it's time for Spacefem to change the world again.