Honestly, in the last year, I've forgotten what college was like. I got so the only thing I remembered about college was deep intellectual conversations with friends, quietly working math problems on quad rules paper with mechanical pencils, and me being really smart and getting all As. This class has reminded me of everything I'd repressed in my memory: my inability to pay attention in class, staring at problems without knowing where to even start, thirty different formulas for eighty different problems, and above all the fact that I spent most of my sophomore AC circuits class playing tetris on my graphic calculator instead of listening to the professor explain the difference between real, reactive, and apparent power.
so... shit. seriously, I could be in real trouble here, I should have started a class level down but I was feeling all ambitious.
I talked to a friend about it tonight, and he was like, "It doesn't matter how bad it gets, you did this, you signed up for it. This is what you wanted. It's been hard for you before and you made it, you just forgot how hard it is. You'll have to really work. Hit the books and review like there's no stopping you. Review like the woman you are!" sigh. It was a nice boost of confidence, I suppose.
Trick is to keep reminding myself that I am a Technical Person and we are special. I have three assumptions about technical people:
1) We always know where to start.
2) We know that the rewards that we can gain from getting involved are great.
3) We know that the risks do not outweigh the rewards because the worst that can happen is not all that bad.
So there I have it... if I let down on my principles I'll never be able to look in the mirror. I just need to keep reminding myself to start at Chapter 1. That I deserve a grade in this class. That the worst that can happen is that I flunk, the company doesn't repay my $400 tuition fee, and I start over next semester at the freshman level. That's not so bad.
As my marine friend says, "At least we're not being shot at."