May 13th, 2020

planet

mother's day

Is it just me or is Mother's Day one of the most loaded holidays of the year? It is so complicated!

First - let me say too many of my mom groups were filled with very upset moms who felt unappreciated, posts about how they were up with the baby at 5am and their husband slept until noon, or their family didn't do enough, or they had to do all the mental load/work of making it a special day. These were sad posts. Reading into it, I thought a lot of them sounded like "my partner is an asshole all year and I hoped this day would be different". I have seen too many relationships like that from the outside. They are not well.

In my house we very much about making your days your days. Birthdays, mother's day, anniversaries... if there is something you want to do, do it! If there's a special dinner you want, request it! But nobody else is obligated to try and surprise you or guess what you want or jump through hoops to make it happen. Shortly after having a baby, I joked that for mother's day I wanted to be left alone. This has actually worked itself out pretty well. Last year my sister and I went on a fabulous road trip.

Then there are the posts that just make me want to de-emphasize the whole holiday - women who wanted to be mothers but couldn't, people with complicated relationships with their mothers, people who can't be with their mothers, and we all miss our moms.

Maybe I will just avoid all social media the weekend of mother's day.

If I'm disappointed at all, it's that we can't have a day like father's day... mostly about dad jokes, no overpowering pink color scheme, lighthearted, fun. Play a game outside and chill! Motherhood is so SERIOUS though.

Maybe we should separate it out, and have a day to talk about pregnancy and childbirth and 5am feedings and craziness, and then a separate day to just celebrate our motherhood that is playing games, taking walks with our kids, teaching them airplane parts, watching the princess bride, playing lego? I can't think of a way to fix it, and I'm never sure who messed it up.