January 26th, 2017

planet

happy places

I went to a seminar on mindfulness. It was amazing. We were there almost three hours, I don't have the attention span to do anything for three hours, I hate spending time anyplace because I am so buried in work, but that's part of why I took the seminar.

I've been stressed. We talked about physical reactions to stress, the health effects, and feeling it, I admitted that lots of times lately I FEEL the stress, when it all comes down. In my body and stomach and chest and lungs. And my thought it always, "Well I hope that goes away." How stupid have I been? Given my family history of heart disease, and my scientific mind having read WELL DOCUMENTED studies about how stress can kill you, my thought is always "well that's weird." Not, "Whoh, pull over, let's reflect a bit, let's take the bad thoughts and put them in a mental container, off to the side, slow down and organize."

Let's talk about the yelling at work! When I'm getting a panic call at 6:30 in the morning of "something doesn't work we need your team HERE NOW" My response is HOLY SHIT BE RIGHT THERE WHO ELSE NEEDS A CALL I'M IN IT I'M IN IT I'M IN IT.

What I need to do... calm down the person on the phone. Focus on what they need. Get information. I have this basic set of questions written down, I just ignore them because.

I am pulled into high-adrenaline situations like gravity.

Anyway, one thing we talked about was picturing a safe, happy, wonderful place from our memories when life gets stressful.

I pictured my home, the sacred couch, a warm blanket... that's happened a few times at work, my mind drifts back to the couch, but it immediately makes me sad that I'm not there. I'll close my eyes and try to teleport out of whatever awfulness is happening around me.

I pictured the river, floating with friends in a canoe, the sun through the trees, again, I wake up and I'm not really there and I'm sad.

A third happy place came to my mind. I'm on an airplane. It's taken apart, it's in work, I have test equipment. We're talking through a system and what changed. We're showing how it works, and it works. This happens all the time and it's the best feeling. I'm not in the cockpit, I'm someplace weird... on top of the wing, or crouching back in the tail, some weird connector, I know where it is, I'm confident.

Suddenly I remembered that I like my job and all of this is for something, there's an end goal. We'll get there. I know, because we always get there, even if it's weird. There are happy people on my team who seem unshaken by the stress. There are less productive people who add to it. I will align myself with the happier ones, because they're coming with me and we've all got the same goal. Sometimes it's a bad road to get there but it's a good end. I can be good at organizing everything needed to get us there, if I focus and don't let the negativity eat me.