March 9th, 2014

planet

work, kids, priorities, bad mom stuff

Random question for my mom friends: If someone asked you "What do you love more, work or your kids?"

You're supposed to say "your kids" right?

Yesterday I got to thinking I'm flawed or something because honestly, I'd probably give some fucked up "well there are different kinds of love" answer.

Or put it this way... if someone told me "For the next eight hours, we're shutting you in a room to design & certify airplanes. We'll slide food under the door. You can move around but don't get more than five feet from this computer." I'd say "challenge accepted!"

If someone else told me "For the next eight hours, we're shutting you in a house with your infant and three year old and toys and colors to just play with them, all day! You can go outside but don't get more than ten feet from those kids, and they have to get your full attention." I'd say "uh... that long? no break? please can I have a break?" like seriously, I think I'd make it two hours.

is that fucked up?

tooby3 said this about Sheryl Sandberg and Lean In:

She just didn't convince me of any value for women in leaning in...unless you happen to be a woman motivated by power and achievement where your title and salary is what fulfills you... staying connected to work while on vacation may feel fulfilling to Sheryl Sandberg, but to me it's a sign capitalism is a higher priority than my family and that's not what I want for my kids or me. I just can't relate to wanting to spend extra time making Facebook a better company when I could be with my kids or husband.


the problem is, I totally CAN relate to wanting to make a better company! (and I am motivated by power and salary... a little. okay maybe a lot.) I feel like the work I do is unique. Lots of people there depend on me. I work on a project for a few years, and there's this set of accomplishments in the bag forever, and a thousand people fly on that model and I played a little part in it.

I'm not saying I love work so much I never want to unplug. I am not a workaholic, I rarely hit 50 hours a week, I like breaks. But even my breaks aren't just to rush home to my family, they're all different - I come home and blog, clean the house, snuggle the kids, walk the dog, do my yoga, sew, all kinds of stuff, then the next day I'm refreshed and ready to dive enthusiastically back into work. And I've heard "work doesn't love you back" which I've always taken to mean you can get laid off at any minute so don't give your company your life, I accept that. And hey maybe that's a sign I'm an okay mom... if I lost my job I'd shrug and say "eh, I'll find another job." if I lost my kids I would have a much more dramatic reaction.

maybe I just feel really lucky to have a job I like. it doesn't happen to everybody. everybody has kids they like, that's a given... I don't feel like that makes me unique. oh but even that sounds terrible. I am totally treading the bad mom line.