April 28th, 2013

planet

my social media birth plan

I'm going to have the same birth plan with this baby that I did with josie... I fill out the hospital form where I circle some things, and at the end I put "please everyone be encouraging, and for heaven's sake no one cut me." and that's it. Worked pretty well last time.

But let's discuss something else of importance: the baby announcement plan in the world of 2013 social media, EGADS. It's complicated! Gone are the days where you'd write out a list of phone numbers, call a few people in the afternoon after the baby was born, then mail out announcements a month later when the photos were developed.

So here is my plan:

1) The following can be notified that I'm in labor: husband, babysitter, my parents, my sister (& brother-in-law). Each of them may only then share the news with whoever they need to in order to miss a day of work for me, if they so choose. If I need to miss work, my immediate supervisor shall be contacted and told that I am "feeling achy".

2) Those same people can be notified, via text only, that the baby has in fact been born if they miss the actual birth. We can also tell the inlaws but only if they promise not to come speeding down in 30 minutes... they are in the category of "people I like to be dressed for". In fact it might just be better to wait an hour to tell them. I'll be more relaxed.

3) There will be no photographs of any part of the birth "experience" until the baby has been born, turned pink, nursed and given an hour with me to figure out what the hell just happened. Then she can be wiped off, wrapped up, and finally, ONLY if she's in a good mood, photographed for posterity's sake.

4) No pictures or announcements can go to the outside world until both sets of grandparents and my sister have had the possibility of seeing the baby. If I go into labor at 2am and they choose not to drive down, that's okay too, but four hours after the baby's born they had their chance so I won't feel so bad.

5) Then I have to call into work.

6) Then I get to tweet about it.

7) The baby must go on my facebook profile first, because I'm the one who just pushed her out, dammit. This is really one of the few things I feel like I deserve in return for all that labor. But it doesn't have to be posted by me, marc can totally use my phone.

8) Then Marc can post about the baby on his profile, because he's the father.

9) Finally, anyone else who happened to be hanging around can post about it too.

10) No one is allowed to post pictures of me looking half-dead like I just went through childbirth. I would like some pictures taken of me and the baby this time around, but only with my camera so I can review them later.

And that's it for now, although I might tweak it a bit. Actually I think having a control-freaky social media plan for having a baby is better than a control-freaky birth plan, because everyone knows birth plans can go straight out the window if the going gets weird. Hell, last time I went to the hospital to have a baby I practically brought a suitcase of "labor aids"... fruit snacks, energy drinks, massagers, books on labor that I'd read but thought I might need to reference in the moment, music, magazines, affirmations... it was all just weight in the suitcase. I didn't know what the hell would happen, and this time around I still don't know what the hell will happen.

But at least I can set guidelines for how it'll look on facebook. That makes me feel pleasantly in control.