December 12th, 2009

planet

pregnancy & wardrobe adjustments

This week I officially got sick of my work pants not fitting right. Over the past few weeks I've had days where if I ate a big lunch I'd have to undo a top button or something... I just figured it's because I'm a freaking pig, or bloated. Everybody's got those days right? This week it was practically every day regardless of what I ate. I already have "pants that don't work" in a section of my closet, and I'm down to "pants that were big on me" having to be unbuttoned, really? Wednesday I ate a damn salad for lunch and felt constricted, Thursday I didn't even make it until lunchtime, just existing did it to me. Finally this little voice in my head whispered "maybe it's because you're 14 WEEKS PREGNANT."

So I posted in june2010babies about it and half those gals have bought freaking maternity clothes. I figured that'd be a spring wardrobe thing for me. What's more, I've always been afraid that buying anything pregnancy related would show a degree of confidence I just don't deserve quite yet, because I'm still so afraid that something will go wrong.

That's when somehow, I came to the exciting conclusion that I have worried enough. Don't ask me how long this attitude will last. Probably a week.

But ever since I took that pregnancy test I've felt like I was on eggshells, always preparing myself for a miscarriage or no heartbeat or for some doctor to say "your labs last week show that your fetus has half a brain and no working spleen" or something. And you know what? I feel I've reached my worry quota for all that. I'm prepared. If it happens, nobody will call me naive, I will not feel caught totally offgaurd.

In the meantime it's getting almost stupid of me not to prepare for a statistically more likely scenario: my fetus has a WHOLE brain, it's becoming a freaking baby, it's causing parts of me to grow, I will not be able to wear my normal clothes. I still weigh about what I always did... I gained back the 10lbs or so I lost in the first couple months, so I'm at my weight, if my clothes aren't fitting it's because my shape is changing and I should not be ashamed of this.

So on my lunch break I went to Target and got this Be Band thing that the other ladies recommended. It's just a spandex circle of fabric that you put on around your middle, and you can wear your normal pants underneath it all unbuttoned and undone and noooobody knooows. Your pants stay up, your midsection feels liberated. And it was the best thing ever. I spent Thursday afternoon just smiling because I'd finally figured out a way to look Business Casual but feel like I'm wearing my sweats. I actually think everybody in the world should own one of these things, it's $15 but just so darn handy. And eventually, maybe in January when the sales are good, I WILL go shopping for maternity clothes and will not feel ashamed about it.

Stop worrying, learn to love the bomb.