October 30th, 2009

planet

October reaches an end

October, and halloween in general, play a special role in my heart. First, I LOVE halloween! We're having a huge party night and the apartment is a wreck but it'll come together by 8, really.

The second reason October is wonderful is that it's when marc and I got together. There's a picture of us on the wall in our halloween costumes, taken the day he moved to Wichita to be with me. In fact I recently opened up all these journal entries for public viewing: http://spacefem.livejournal.com/2005/10/ A lot of them were closed off to only a few friends because frankly I felt like a crazy person, and several (but not all) people I knew in real life were questioning my sanity. There was just something going on between us. But now I feel good about opening them up because I was not insane, we really ended up working out together.

So the October 2005 entries document our friendship and road trip to KC. Then my quasi-rational trip out to Atlanta to see him. Then I'm wondering what the hell is wrong with me. And then he shows up with all his stuff. And even though it wasn't a 100% gold-paved relationship from then on, I remember having lots of moments when we were so happy we were sure something horrible was going to happen someplace, just to keep the universe balanced. We still feel that way, but nothing awful has happened to us. It's been wonderful.

Marc and I don't have a "song" per se but since the beginning when I think of what I have my head plays "get it while you can" by Janis Joplin. It's not a perfect relationship song, you would not want it overheard at your wedding (I certainly kept it off our list). And it's not a song I think Marc would even understand because he wasn't exactly raised on Janis like I was. But it's about how you can't worry about the future when what you have now is so wonderful. And four years ago in October, when I didn't know what was going on, just had to be with him this weekend, I'd hear that song... who knows how permanent anything is? You just have to love what you've got today. I'm constantly amazed that's been today for the last four years.