October 3rd, 2009


dude, where's my period?

I am not good with ambiguity.

In July marc and I decided to jump off the birth control cliff and see what would happen. Nothing happened. I mean it's nice not having to worry about birth control, I haven't taken the pill since January and I like myself better off of it. I've been keeping track of my period on a calendar because it's an interesting reference. I am a 26-day girl. Okay, sometimes 27.

But never 31. Oh it's not that big a deal, it's not that late, but I worry about everything because I'm just a neurotic person. So when things didn't happen on perfect schedule Tuesday it got me wondering, of course. Then Wednesday. Thursday. Friday I was all out wondering if I was pregnant. It made me really nervous, and when I got nervous I felt it in my stomach, and when my stomach felt bad I realized that sickness is another sign of pregnancy so how am I going to tell the difference between nervous sick and pregnant sick? I can't! Okay I'm nervous. Not pregnant. Pregnant sick would be obvious and would have happened by now. I don't feel pregnant, obviously I'm not pregnant. Then why've I been so hungry lately? I eat a piece of toast for breakfast every morning, then this week had to switch to two pieces of toast, why am I hungry at 9:30 in the morning?

I'm posting this entry to try another strategy that I used in college: if your period is late, and you tell someone about it, it'll happen.

Of course in college I wasn't having near-daily unprotected sex either.

I realize this entry makes it sound like I don't want to be pregnant and that's not true, it's what I had planned sort of. I just didn't really expect it. And it's very scary. And after a few months of nothing happening I figured we were one of those "nothing happens" couples. I haven't been as careful as I should have been, I know I missed taking my vitamins some days, and last week I had a glass of wine and sushi.

I told marc my period was late, he asked if she got tied up in airport security somewhere. He can joke about it. Nothing phases this guy. He's okay with the unknown. That's why I like traveling with him. He doesn't need a schedule or a map, doesn't worry that we're missing something important or taking the long way. Things happen when they happen, and don't happen when they don't happen.

Why can't I just go with it? Why do I have to hyper-analyze every hour that goes by?

the pregnancy test

So this morning I posted about being nervous about a late period and you all told me to take a pregnancy test. I was resisting... after all what would it get me? But then I figured it'd be helpful. I've read that a lot of late/missed periods are actually caused by pregnancy and miscarriage, and if that happens to me I'd like to know. I also asked Marc about it and he was all for it, he said "It's fun!"

"What's fun?"

"It's fun to pee on sticks!"

"How do you know?"

"I've done it!"

"You've taken a pregnancy test?"

"No but I've peed on sticks! Lots of them!"

Swell. So we had some errands to run... we went to the fabric store so I could buy halloween costume stuff, then to the grocery store for assorted produce and, what the hell, a pregnancy test.

We bought the cheapest one. I told marc, "I think the only difference is the speed, the pricey ones only take a minute but the cheap ones can take longer."

"Like how long?"

"Well worst case, nine months..."

Checking out I couldn't help but notice that on the big cashier display thing, everything we bought was abbreviated. Lettuce was LTTC. Kleenex was KLNX TSSU. Pregnancy test was PREGNANCY TEST. Yeah, bolded just like that, I didn't even know they could bold that stuff.

I have the following tips for the ladies out there:
- Right now, take a pregnancy test, that way you know what it's like to take one. This is my first one and I was totally weirded out.
- Get the 2 for 1 pack. Have a friend take the other one. That way you have a control source. The lack of a control source bothers me on this thing. Of course we did buy the cheapest one, but even with the cheapest one there are good things... if we would have had two, I would make marc take one, see if it says he's pregnant.
- Look CAREFULLY at the test display before you take it. Maybe even take a picture! That way you're sure it's changed!

We went home and sat around and when I had to pee I took the test, then set the kitchen timer for three minutes and when it went off marc and I both bounded upstairs to look at the display.

It had a plus sign. I didn't say anything. I handed marc the decoder sheet and HE pointed out the eerie similarities between the plus on the display and the plus on the instruction sheet that said "You are probably pregnant." I just walked out of the bathroom and said "Whatever, I don't believe these things. We should have gotten two."

Marc's says, "But it's science!" I just shook my head. I really don't think some $4 test can know anything and I'm not even totally sure why we bought it. I have decided that on Monday if I still haven't gotten my period I'll call the doctor and get a real test and see what's up. Holy crap though. I've got to finish my pilot's license.

In the meantime, I'm writing this in the lj because I want to document the experience, it's on my mind, all that. But even if you think I'm pregnant this is NOT the "squeee I'm pregnant!" post, I'll let you know when that happens. 31 days pregnant is not pregnant as far as I'm concerned, it's barely fertilized. And so many miscarriages happen this early. But honestly, you all are my close little special filter, so you would also be the ones to know I had a miscarriage, so I think it's okay to let you all in.