July 18th, 2009

planet

last weekend off

we're going camping in a little bit, I'm excited.

this week I was home the whole time, but didn't get as much done as I'd hoped. I did habitat one morning. it sucked, I hammered in siding for four hours. I got better at hammering though. One thing I will say about habitat... I did it three times this month, and every time I had a totally different job, which was awesome. I wanted to learn things, I learned things. And it's so nice to have a volunteer job where you don't really have to think. You don't have to motivate other people, sell them on your ideas, coordinate group activities, be a leader. just show up and use your arms. It's refreshing. Well... mentally refreshing, physically I felt like my arm was about to fall off.

I go back to work on monday. I'm excited to go back, but have a lot of complicated feelings. Was there progress on my project in the past four weeks? I know there were a few people working on it, but I never got a call, does that make me unimportant? What does our future have in store? Seems like another round of layoffs come up every month, what will the next one bring? Why can't things be better?

I never did get unemployment to work right. I got filed okay, got mail saying I was legit, claimed for two weeks and then on the third week, the system acted like it didn't know me. It said to call a number, but I was unable to get through every time I called. They don't put you on hold, they just say "system overloaded" and hang up. So I think it's a lost cause. Makes me really nervous for if I really do need it here in the future, for a longer term of not working. I talked to a fellow coworker last night who had another issue with it, couldn't even get it to start for him. So it's not just me.

I didn't get to fly yesterday. My instructor, who I haven't flown with in a month, said he might be back Friday. I was like, "Great I'll book us a plane!" but didn't hear back on that. I showed up in the morning, but he never did. He later texted me to say he wasn't back yet. But I was really depressed, because I'd been excited to fly with him, show him how I've improved, get closer on my landings which are getting so close now! I feel like flying is so wonderful, but there's so much other complicated crap going on around me, I wish I could just have this time of my life to work on it without distraction. I shouldn't look at an airplane and have all this go through my head. At a time when I'm learning to handle a plane, and make it my own, I'm in an industry I can't control at all. We can engineer an airplane that will fly at a given speed, will not spin uncontrolled out of the sky, will go up when you add power and will descend when you pull power, every time. the air is so certain. the rest of the planet... isn't.