October 26th, 2005

planet

well way to go, logical one

marc e-mailed this morning saying how thinking of me just tears at his heart and he can't wait to see me, and he's sold some entertainment equipment of his and is 2/3 of the way to having the funds to buy the bus ticket to get here. It was the sweetest, most romantic message anyone has ever sent me.

so of course I freaked out.

but I freaked out calmly and nicely... I was like, "I can't wait to see you either, I really miss you, but I have to ask... do you have a plan? Are you buying a one-way ticket or two-way? How long will you stay? Will you look for jobs here? Are you telling your family that you'll be back in town? we can't do this every two weeks, man."

he e-mails and says that he was actually just on his way out to buy the ticket, but now he's all confused, I raised some good questions, I'm probably right, he says.

that's it? I'm right about WHAT?

I couldn't get him to e-mail back. I can't call him, because he spent his phone bill money on me and his phone got turned off. there's nothing, just silence. marc...

I know deep down that I did the right thing by asking those questions, but now I have to deal with the fact that because of what I said, I might not see him this weekend. hell, I might not see him at all, he might have woken up and realized I'm not worth all this. yeah, he was being foolish and irrational but part of me wishes I'd just let him be that.

logic has never hurt me like this before. i'm almost more dissapointed in it than anything. i am infinitely sad right now.