September 27th, 2005


things that make me feel ill

Last night, I poisoned myself with oven cleaner. yeah. I read all the instructions on the spray can and saved it for the last thing to do in my apartment that night, opened all the windows, turned on the right fans, and sprayed my oven. The fumes were harsh and I finally just held my breath, sprayed, closed the oven door, walked 20 feet away for another breath, came back, opened the door, spray, repeat... and I left it there to soak in overnight.

Two hours later my vision was splotchy and I was losing peripheral. I opted to go to bed. Another hour later I woke up with the worst headache I've ever had in my entire life. And that's how I spent the night. Awake, in pain, taking pills every few hours hoping that something would cure me. I went to work on one hour of sleep and felt like death all day, still headachy and lightheaded. it sucked.

tonight, my roommate calls me all like, "Jason and Marc are coming over to watch movies, you up for it?" uh, no. First, I got shit to do in my apartment. then political meeting. then studying for massive test Thursday. I told her to have them over because movies are fun, start without me and I'll see them later. The four of us watched movies sunday night, too. it was disgusting. I haven't watched a movie in months... certainly not all in one sitting like that, I watch them 20 minutes at a time between appointments, if anything. Her and her boyfriend, me and mark, cuddling on different couches... CUDDLING.

You know, I do some stuff that doesn't fit my party girl image. I go to church. I knit. But cuddling in front of a movie with the same guy I was with the night before is about too much for me. It's too "girlfriend". That's what me and angry man did all the damn time... watched movies! The world is happening... politics, philosophy, science, art, music, and every weekend millions of couples are sitting on their couches, cuddling. And watching movies.

But anyway, that was Sunday night... back to tonight.

I roll in about 9:30 and sit and watch the end of Constantine with them, and when we're all done I kiss marc goodnight and he goes home and jason and roommate go to her room. she comes out 10 minutes later... and jason is laughing in the background... both are like, "You made him go HOME?"

wtf? I didn't make him do anything. I just told him I was going to bed, and implied that he was not coming with me. I was going on an hour of sleep and had no desire for someone to put me at risk of losing out tonight, too... I go to work at 7, people!

This is not the week for me to just add water to an instant boyfriend, and I'm sure marc doesn't expect that, i just think it's funny how roommate and her boyfriend (I should just call them my roomcouple, they're here all the time, you know?) figured I'd settle into this mode and have a relationship just like theirs all in the course of a very good weekend. uh... pass the oven cleaner.