September 14th, 2005


cooler means everything

Suddenly, this week, it's not hot outside. It's not sunny. The sun is barely coming up during my drive to work, and only a few hours after I get home, it's going down.

I go to classes. The interns left. The pool closed. The mall stores threw their tank tops into cardboard boxes where only the brave dare to rummage.

There are no more float trips scheduled.

I was told once that when you reach adulthood, summer becomes this annoying time when you have to mow your lawn and worry about the kids playing outside, and every season just has its pitfalls that you gripe about, but you barely notice them changing. You don't get summers off, you have to work, and you work 40 hours a week, and that's what every season means... 40 hours a week, no matter what. I haven't found that to be true. If anything I think I notice the seasons even more, because they go by so much faster. It's been three years and two weeks since I moved to Wichita and started working, and it seems like nothing... every summer and every Christmas and every semester of classes has blinked by. A year is nothing. A summer is less than that. I want to sink my fingernails into it, and what's worse, I can feel that want every second. I don't have those "I'll look back on this fondly" times, I'm looking fondly at everything now, and know I'll miss it when it's gone.

sorry for the cheesy entry here, I just can't get over how the air feels today. It feels like it's not summer anymore. It hurts every time.