March 1st, 2004


the brain modes

Last night was really windy. I kept waking up hearing all these branches hitting the outside walls and wind just making all this noise rushing in between the buildings. It drove me nuts. I barely slept.

I woke up in the morning and the world was more silent, and I heard birds and calm air, and slowly opened my eyes and smiled because the room was sunny and the world was peaceful. The morning brought all this tranquility. Then I wondered why there was sunlight in my room because it was a workday and I wake up in the dark on workdays. Ah, that's why, it's 7:15, I usually wake up earlier than this because I have to be at work at 7:30.

I laid there in the glorious sunny morning considering all this for at least a minute before the idea soaked in that I'd slept through my alarm and this was a bad thing.

Is it just me, or does the brain work slower when it's happy? I know, I'd just woken up and was kind of sleepy and all that but when my alarm wakes me up things just fall into place, the morning routine is all reflexes now. Up. Oatmeal. E-mail. Get ready. Water plants, feed pets, lock door on the way out. And then at work everything is just GO GO GO and it's all very productive until something good happens, then we have to stop to reflect and live in the moment, which is "optimist" language for "stare off into space like confused puppies".

It takes a LOT of grief to paralyze us. For some it's an infinate amount... they'll lose their whole families and just dive into life as a workaholic and be totally fine on the outside for years, terribly productive. But just a little bit of happiness takes up every cell of us. Weird. It's like happy people weren't really meant to get stuff done or rule the world, which is too bad.