January 30th, 2004

planet

tissues

Was talking to the guy who sits next to me at work and he says, "I've been meaning to tell you... you might not want to keep your kleenex box on the edge of the table there. You want to put it behind stuff. Maybe even hide it. It sounds crazy but it's true. There's this guy, who takes people's kleenex."

Yes, we have an office kleenex bandit. the kleenex gnome. My deskmate continues to explain that when he first moved over he noticed he was going through kleenex really fast, then one day he saw the guy take a couple kleenex from his box and it got him thinking, so he tried harder to notice when the guy was around, and sure enough, he just takes everyone's kleenex. "Once he took the last two I had, and put one back thinking maybe I wouldn't notice!"

I was like, "Well thank you for telling me that, I'm sure the men in coats will be back to pick you up later... freaking kleenex psycho, got something against sharing?"

But then later in the afternoon he whispers at me... "Look! three o'clock, yellow sweater... that's the guy I was telling you about! that's the kleenex guy!" whatever. there's this respectable-looking older man standing in a doorway talking to someone, he has white hair and is wearing gray pants. Then he turns and walks down our row, and sure enough, stops at the first desk that is owned but not occupied and takes two kleenex from the box sitting by the computer monitor.

My neighbor's like, "He always does that! Every time he walks through, it's insane, it's like... he has a kleenex fetish or something! I never even see him blow his nose, he just takes kleenex!" I thought it was funny. I said, "We're electrical engineers... we should set up an alarm or something!"

but for now we're just monitoring patterns of the kleenex bandit. know your enemy, keep your kleenex... that's how it works in the world of engineering. otherwise society will crumble like freaking lord of the flies. i'm being totally serious.