January 6th, 2004


work and school

"You are a truly lucky person if your job is exactly what you feel like getting done :) Personally I have many hobbies and what not that I could be doing and some days would rather be doing" - laserith

You know, I had to think on this, but on most days there really isn't anything I'd rather do than make airplanes. Of course we all need breaks sometimes and of course there are other things I like to do. I like to ride my bike and work on my website and watch "Sex & the City" and sew and write and read books. But which of these things could I do eight hours a day, five days a week, if I had to? Seriously? I could maybe sew. I could read books for a while. But eventually I think I'd get more tired of those things than my actual job. Once again this journal becomes sort of a sounding board against the myths I'd been taught growing up. There's this image the media sends us that only 1% of the population of America actually enjoys their job, and they're all pop singers or total nerds. And yet here I am, not a pop singer or, um, well, not a pop singer... that's the only one I'm really sure of.

I think my entire senior year of college was spent listening to people tell me not to expect a whole lot from the real world. First, I was told to not expect total happiness, which was okay. Then I was told to not expect any happiness which made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I mean, college was happy, and listening to people everywhere tell me this was the last happy year of my entire life was pretty depressing. Did I believe them? Maybe a little... after you hear a message enough times, you can't help but at least take it pretty damn seriously. Looking back I know they were just looking out for me, but I don't think that was a good way to do it. Unless you have some major responsibility to worry about, your number one concern in life should be making your part of the world a better place, not learning to settle with the fact that it will suck and there's nothing you can do about it. What the hell's the point?

And I also wish people hadn't painted the job world like something you must either totally love or totally hate, like we tend to do. As indicated by the above quote, most of us admit that there are only some days when we'd rather be at home knitting or whatever... this means that we'd like to spend the other days at work. It's not bad every day. You don't have to be a full-on workaholic with no life to enjoy your job, you can just like it, and like doing it, and then like doing other things, and a few bad days doesn't have to take it all down. Like life, it's a balance.

So I'm starting college again. Just one class but I'm back... balacing life between the Outside and the other world, the different world, the one you never predicted but were in. I know I'll get some college student accusing me of labeling them as not part of the "real world" but it's true, you're really not, you're in more of a parallel universe of academia where schedules don't all run from 8 until 5 and you walk most of the places you go in a day. if you stay too long you go completely insane (evidence: professors) and lose your connections to earth entirely. but I digress.

I went to pay my tuition today and found I had this superiority complex to all the kids walking around, because I was like them once but now I'm so much more. I'm part of something they haven't seen yet. I know things they don't know... one of them being that it's not such a bad world, and not so impossible to get into, it's just different. more free? less free? who's to know? but at least I made it here and lived to tell about it, and seeing those kids walking around reminded me of that former self and how much better I am now. It's a rare moment in my life when I can feel like I have a lot of things figured out. I have to pause to appreciate it... probably for the next several hours, if it could ever last that long.