December 31st, 2003

planet

web thoughts

My voice is mostly back. I got to the point yesterday where I could finally squeek out words but sounded like a dying animal... today I think I'm sounding better. Still coughing. I'll be able to go over to a friend's house for new year's eve at least.

Yesterday there wasn't much to do so I added a bunch of stuff to spacefem.com, mostly forum features, which lead me to think about what I do with my websites. Spacefem.com is frustrating sometimes because it accomplishes goals but I'm not sure I like them. Like, the other day I was looking at the website for the webby awards and noticed that cockeyed.com won a people's choice for best personal home page. cockeyed.com? I was e-mailing that guy years ago, when he only had like three "what's inside" features and a story of a joke about a golden banana. My site has forums, I have a following, but what don't I have? Publicity. And I won't get it, either, as long as I have stick death on there and the militant feminist quiz, which has actually angered mostly feminists who feel that it casts them as violents. Not so, I was just trying to make light of a situation I thought we could find humor in. Even so it keeps me from being reputable... I'm out of that "loop".

thought a lot, too, about my many members. the good ones come in, stay a few months, then regroup at other people's websites. They talk, yes, stick together, but not on spacefem.com, in other user forum that they like better because there isn't a constant flood of 15-year-old newbies. I don't mind a flood of 15-year-old newbies. I have important things to say to them. but it means that I don't get to keep the older, cooler people who are my age.

so then I think... it's great to have all these different goals: humor, feminism, community, etc. because a lot of people are attracted, but no one respects you when you divide up like that. and when you focus, no one comes. advicenators is still just flailing along. I can't figure out how to get it promoted.

it all kinda leaves me feeling like a whore... wanting my web pages to really be something but unwilling to leave behind the things that got them where they are today. the shocking, the stupid, the colorful. I feel like I felt when I was looking for a job and those employers would ask me why I wanted to be an engineer if I liked designing websites, and web design firms didn't understand why I wanted to make websites if I had an engineering degree. I don't know. Can't I just... be?

It sucks that you have to focus to be prestigious. Focusing takes all the fun out of everything.