October 19th, 2003

senior project

the hot new database

Was telling this story on the phone earlier today and just had to repeat it here.

At work in recent weeks I'd been working on some forms everyone could use in Microsoft Access. When more people became interested in said database, I called the support line to ask what the proper procedure was for sharing an Access database.

The support person said I shouldn't be sharing it at all because Access sucks. Agreement. She was like, "You need to speak with the database group, they'll turn it over into a sequal database for you."

I was like, "Okay sure." But inside I'm thinking, "sequal?" I hadn't heard of it. Was it like Oracle? I didn't know much about that. dbm? I'd been databasing away like a madperson both at home and at work for the last month, and couldn't believe there was a format I hadn't heard of. But as I talked to others in the department they were like, "Sequal, yup, it's all we use here, it's great."


Got on the intranet and went to the database group's web page. Was looking for sequal database information for formatting my table, but I couldn't find anything. All the databases I'd heard of were there... when to use Oracle or Access or MySQL. But no sequal.

Then something happened in my brain. SQL. SeQuaL. ohmigod. And it was like a lightning storm in my head... all this time, they'd been talking about fucking ES-QU-EL, or what I thought was ES-QU-EL, I'd just never... talked to anyone about it before or said it out loud.

It was that feeling you get when that really cool guy you've been chatting with online drops a sentence about how he's a woman, and even though s/he never claimed to be of any gender before, you'd just assumed one or the other, and changing it in your head takes a system reboot. You know, that feeling?

Maybe no one can relate, but let me say it was REALLY weird for me, I had to get up and walk around and make a cup of tea just to deal with it all. Let this be a lesson to all of you. Some people say "sequal".