August 24th, 2003



I just want to say one thing: I will not feel like a shitty person for ending relationships, for any reason. I am entitled to my independence. Everyone enters relationships because they see something they can get out of it. Yeah, maybe that's harsh, but it's how it is. In return, you put something in. And you deal with the worry that is being involved with another person... the uncertainty about the future, the risk of losing him. And when it's not worth it anymore, you get out. There's a line... a line where you stay and fight it out, and a line where you decide it's best to go your seperate ways.

So don't call me cruel, because I think you've all done it, or you all will. You'll look at that person, and decide they aren't worth fighting for, afterall. If you don't, well, I guess you'll end up with whatever you've settled for.

I wrote a LOT more on this topic, but decided against posting it. In the words of Joan Jett, "I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation." I give to charities, drive carefully in subdivisions, hold doors open for senior citizens... I know inside that I am not a bad person. Just one who's learning lessons along the way, just like everybody. If you're hurt by it, I'm sorry, but the disclaimer was posted, whether you decided to read it or not.

Three hours later, I'm realizing that this was a stupid entry to write. I wrote it out of frustration from an inability to express, in a way that wouldn't decrease anyone's self-esteem, my reasons for breaking off a certain relationship. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but ended, as usual, in a "fuck it I don't owe a reason!" attitude.

I just always hated those "this is my journal and I'll do what I want!" entries, and this was an equally bad "this is my life I'll do what I want!" entry. I mean, duh to all that. I have the right to a life, people have the right to think things about me, it's how the circle works... must get over the teenage desire to proclaim it like it's some new idea.

So, how's everyone doing today? Good? Great!

livejournal community search

Realized today that I'd been bitching and whining about not having livejournal community searches anymore while living in a world where there's ALWAYS a search... google! So I ran a livejournal site-specific search of the community info pages... and my problems were solved.

Then realized that maybe some other people would like something similar, so I made a little thing on my site with this pretty box so everyone can search livejournal communities for interests. I don't know if it's been done before, don't know if anyone will like it, but I've never made a little livejournal utility box thingy and always wanted my name in one, so maybe this will take off? Who knows. Either way I'd really like comments.

Livejournal Community Info Search

To search communities, enter keywords here:

powered by google, made easier by spacefem
get yours here

Oh, and I tested it in mozilla and konqueror but that's it, so if there are browser oddities tell me!