September 28th, 2002


broken car, pet thoughts

So I'm driving down the road yesterday with my windows down and the stereo (well, uh, "stereo") blaring because it's Friday and I hear this clunk, like someone threw something at my driver's side door. I look out and can't see anything. I get home and roll the window up and it won't roll up. mother fscker!

I had to duct tape some plastic peice in place last week because it was dragging on the ground. It wasn't a big deal, but it all adds up to give me this outstanding urge to go look at cars, even if I can't buy one yet, I just want to look.

Anyway, Dave came down this weekend so this morning I made us a big breakfast while he took off my door panel to investigate the situation. He says it needs a part that we can't even get in this town right now, all the dealerships would have to order it, and the one place that gave us a price said it was $200. For a roll-up window! Crap. We might try some junkyards later. Either way, this is frustrating, we're just going to prop the window up for now and deal.

In other news, I went to my friend Sarah's house last night, which is in the middle of nowhere or something, she had a party for some friends. Met some cool people, she was all concerned that it was like the worst party ever but she hasn't been to that many so she didn't know. It was actually pretty cool. We left a bit early, but there were nice people there, I'll have to visit her more often. Her sister-in-law was there with her puppy and it was so unbelievably cute. The puppy's like seven weeks old, she chews on stuff and wags her tail when she sees people and cuddles and everything, it made me want a puppy like I can't tell you. But I know I can't have one, because I live in an apartment, and it's not nice to lock a puppy up in an apartment all day. I kept trying to rationalize it in my head, but inside I know it's wrong, even though other people do it. sigh.

It'd be interesting to have a cat, but I'd have to buy a special cat house, and only do it when I'm old and my mother has left this world, because she'd never forgive me. I'd have to get a house with all wood floors, then buy all leather furniture, and not have drapes, then I'd have to research cats that don't affect allergies quite as much. Then I'd never pet the cat. I could maybe live like that. Sometimes I feel bad because Dave loves cats and knows he can never have one if we ever decided to move in together. Anyway, I once had a boyfriend whose parents had a cat and I could stay in their house, it was a lot of wood and leather and his mom kept the place really clean. That's the only reason why I feel like I could someday do it. I like cats, I wish they didn't make me so sick.

Anyway, for now I can party with my birds, I came home yesterday and turned the music up and they chirped along and got excited with me because it was friday. They're fun, sometimes.

more transition thoughts

I volunteered to help a local high school in a state-wide robot building competition. It's a fun little thing, the kids get a team together, they're given motors and stuff, and they build a robot that has to run around and collect balls and foam noodles and rings in a certain time limit. So far I've just been to one "brainstorming" session because they do a lot in class, but I e-mail the team to see how they're all doing and stuff, that's fun.

One of the girls on the team (there are like six people) is a senior, she's the oldest. She's talking about applying to K-State next year and everything, kind of reminds me of myself except she's cooler and has friends. What blows me away is that she just doesn't look like she can be a college student next year. Like me at that age, she's skinny, in that teenage "haven't grown into my body" skinny. I get a similar vibe in the way she talks and thinks and works. It's weird, because she's the oldest and definately the most mature of everyone else, but she's a baby and it feels weird that I'm thinking that about someone who's so close to where I am on the life-stage road map. She's about to go to college. I was just in college. It feels like we should be the same. But she doesn't treat me like we're the same at all, and I don't see her that way either. I know pheonixmoon is in high school, and I don't see her as that young usually because we hang out with the same people, but this all makes me think I'd see her much differently if we came together under other circumstances.

The other weird thing that's been happening to me is the idea the I live in Wichita. I have an address, this is my home. When asked to write down my "permanant address", I keep wanting to write down my parent's address in Kansas City, because that was always the sure thing that we did in college, but it's not like that any more.

Maybe it wouldn't be so weird if I hadn't lived in the dorms all through school, that's got to be part of the reason I'm finding it hard to adjust. I guess I didn't have a transition or something? Anyway, it's not terribly stressful or anything, it's just odd, I feel out of place and sort of lost most of the time. At work, I'm way too quick to admit I don't know anything and ask questions, which is okay, but I realized I've got to stop that eventually. Everyone sees me as a kid because I see myself that way, and I don't mind it, but my whole learning track will move much faster if I jump in the adult pool and sink or swim.