April 25th, 2002


if (future == '\0') {

i'm hating myself again...

Had an on-campus job interview with a guy from lockheed martin today. not good! First off, he takes me to this room to the side to watch a video about the company. He starts to pick up the remote controls on the table but then he's like, "Oh, you're electronics, you can figure this out. I need to write some notes on the last interview, just go ahead and start this and I'll be with you in a minute, okay?" There's a T.V. on the cabinet and a video camera hooked to it. I didn't see a VCR so I assume they're using the camera as a playback device. I put it in play mode and push play but nothing happens, I play with the remotes and nothing happens, finally I go to the receptionist at career services (very quietly!) and ask her to help me but then I see the guy (!) in the hall and he's like, "It might not be rewound, is that the problem?" Crap, he knows I can't work a damn TV! Then the receptionist comes in, opens up the cabinet the TV is on, and there's a VCR in there. She pushes play and the video starts, I sit there feeling like an utter failure. UHG!

That was mistake #1. Anyway, I've met this guy before and know he's an electrical engineer type, so during the interview he asks me about senior design and I start going on and on about how I tried off-the-shelf A/D converters but they wouldn't work so I had to use a PIC and I'd never used a PIC before but had to learn how to program the PIC and time the PIC and... suddenly he stops me, kind of chuckles, and says, "You'll have to explain to me what a PIC is." shit! you never talk over an interviewer's head! Why did I assume everyone in the world knew what a PIC was?! I explained that it was a small reprogrammable microcontroller chip... did that make sense?

Then he explains that he's in town for the advisory board meeting tomorrow (oh, so interviews are just a side thing?) and the Orlando offices are only looking for like 10 people instead of 100 like last year and he'll send my resume forward and do his best... yeah.

So I'm not expecting a call back from Lockheed anytime soon. damn damn damn damn damn.

Am also trying to learn Java which is a total nightmare, nothing I do makes sense (but hell, nothing java does makes sense either so maybe we're meant for each other?) and I end up deleting basically everything I write and running to dataknife for help. He's totally the coolest ever for doing so much for me over the past few days, but I feel awful about having to bug him so much and he's probably becoming very aware of the fact that I know nothing. Have no idea how to pay him back for all this help, so I've decided that this week I'll answer every e-mail I get from website visitors asking for help with stuff, sort of a pay-it-forward theme. I sometimes ignore questions about how to adopt a useless blobs and stuff (what do you say that's not already on the web page?), but if dataknife can handle all my totally retarded questions, I can handle those.
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First, a quiz:

When you spend a long time writing code in a new language and still can't get anything to compile, do you:
a) Consult online tutorials
b) Print out your code, take a break, read over your syntax carefully
c) Keep coding, but start drinking

Well I don't know about a and b, but C WAS THE WRONG CHOICE! Just thought I'd let you know. Public service announcement right there. But I feel a lot more mellow about nothing working.

I've taken to writing every little detail about every day in this journal. Good? Bad? Who cares? all of these. I really hope this entry makes sense to me later. At least my entries are unique, it's not like I'm posting personality tests or something. And I try to keep it funny. Why am I so insecure about this?

I went to the dining hall today and sit in a chair to eat and hear this awful noise. I jump up, thinking I've just squashed someone's rejected Crunchy Meat Product Of The Day (tm) but there's nothing in the chair. I feel the back of my jeans and... THERE IS NO BACK OF MY JEANS! Just kidding. It's there, but I've got this huge rip just below the back pocket. Okay God, I know I've stopped exercizing, but gimme a break! I've got to graduate here! Anyway I'm not sure if I should blame this incident on the fact that I just lived on nutty bars for two weeks straight while working on senior design or on the fact that I basically have two pairs of jeans that I wash and re-wear and wash and re-wear every week. They get a lot of use. Probably too much use. And I can't really afford new ones per se, so I hope the weather is warm because now all I have is one pair of fav jeans and shorts.

crap, I haven't had time to go shopping, I just remembered I only have one pair of shorts!

i guess everyone at this school will just have to get used to me running around with my ass hanging out of my jeans, what the hell, that's the style in some parts of the country these days anyway isn't it?

not so much?

It sure is easier to scratch back there now. Not that I need to do that a lot, but you know, it's nice to have the power.

At least you can write code drunk. You can't solder drunk. Well you could, but you may never solder again.

Okay then... career thought for the day:
If you can mix alcohol with your job and not get hurt, it's a boring job. wheee!

I downloaded some Bjork just to see what all the fuss was about. Still not sure. Seriously.

My dumb lab partner e-mailed saying he'd like a bigger part to talk about in our oral presentation because he never got to speak as much as Jaimee or me. I e-mailed back and explained that we think we should talk about what we knew, and he knows the least. Haven't heard back, but feel a lot better about saying that.
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    drunk drunk